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The short-lived television series Dino-Riders (stretching a whopping total of 14 episodes) was created primarily as a vehicle for the Tyco line of toys of the same name; a collection of toys featuring 2 themes that kids find irresistible: dinosaurs and aliens. Strange bedfellows indeed, but it worked. . Although the toys were a comparative success (i.e., they made some decent money, and to be fair, it was a pretty clever product), , the cartoon was, well, just plain goofy, even by 1980's standards.
The plot, as it is, involves two race of aliens, the good Valorians (cute) and the baaaaaaaaad Rulons (ugly) who get transported back in time and crash land on Earth during the time of the dinosaurs. (The dinosaurs featured in this series definitely never existed at the same time. In fact, a modicum of research shows that some of the dinosaurs shown running around together lived at least 200 million years apart. But this anachronistic discrepancy is by far the least of this show's problems.) Realizing the dinosaurs' potential as both beasts of burden and super-dooper bio-weapons (you'll see), the Valorians and Rulons each busy themselves by recruiting various beasties to their sides in a battle to dominate the primitive world and return to their own time. Being "good", the Valorians use their in-born powers of telepathy (ugh) to communicate with and convince the dinosaurs to willingly help them. On the other hand, the baaaaaaaad Rulons create "brain boxes" which they (somehow) affix to the dinosaurs heads (!) in order to control their reptilian minds and thus force the hapless reptiles into aiding their evil cause. (Go ahead and cue evil laughter if you want to.)
As mentioned above, a grand total of 14 episodes were created before the plug was pulled. (All together now: "Awwwwww...shucks!")
(Click on the a title for a quick walk-through. I'll update the links as I finish each episode.)
- The Adventure Begins
- The Rulon Stampede
- Revenge of the Rulons
- The Blue Skies of Earth
- Toro, Toro, Torosaurus
- T-Rex
- Krulos
- Tagg, You're It!
- Thanksgiving
- To Lose the Path
- Enter the Commandos
- Battle for the Brontosaurus
- One to Lead Us
- Ice Age Adventure
Valorians
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Questar: Handsome, witty, stern, well coiffed, but about as fun as a root canal. Questar leads the Valorians in their struggle to survive against both the dangers of an alien, prehistoric world and the evil Rulons. What he lacks in sense of humor he more than makes up for in hair style and head bands.
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Yungstar: Yungstar...the young maverick to play the foil to Questar's rock-solid leadership. Basically Yungstar and his side-kick, Llahd, run around, get in trouble, get rescued. Repeat. I'm thinking that this guy would be perfectly played by Owen Wilson if they ever made this series into a movie. (God forbid.) |
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Llahd: Token side-kick and Getter In Trouble. For some reason the Valorians found it necessary to drag along an 8-year old boy on their interstellar journey because, you know, he's cute and Yungstar now has somebody to hang around with. |
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Serena: Token hot female crew member and Pterodactyl Whisperer. Flying high overhead on the wings of a reptile, Serena coyly manages to keep her ass safely out of danger while the other grunts battle it out on the ground below. |
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Turret: Ship's Engineer Turret obviously knows that eye and ear protection are first priority. Kids - pay attention!
Despite knowing every nut and bolt of the Valorian ship, Turret is also known to make the occasional wise crack and provide much needed laughs in the otherwise stuffy atmosphere that Questar creates with his 'watching paint dry' appeal. |
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Mind-Zei: Oh yes, no interstellar crew would complete without an old, blind guy. Yup. Now he was worth the fuel costs to launch his ass into space. You just know that he'll come in handy in a pinch. To balance things out, he does have an ill-defined psychic sense that allows him to know when 'other things' are in the area. Wow. Now there's something the Valorians just couldn't live without especially when the 'other things' turn out to be 30-ton dinosaurs. Thanks!
Oh, he's also Serena's grandpa. But I wouldn't count on that until I saw the results of the DNA test...I mean, c'mon: look at them! Who do you think you're kidding, Mind-Zei?
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Gunner: Rough-and-tumble weapons expert and military liaison, Gunner, isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. Completely ineffectual at hitting anything with his laser gun (just like everybody else), I suspect that the only reason he's still a crew member is because he's only a few months out from retirement and Questar doesn't have the guts to just can his ass and send him packing to Valoria as a civilian. |
Rulons
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Krulos: Emperor Krulos, a real BMF! (Kids, ask your parents.)
Don't tangle with this...er, lizard, newt, tadpole, whatever he is. For some reason he's the only Rulon that wears a complete space suit, helmet and all, at all times, even inside his own ship. Maybe its a leather fetish. Who knows. But dear Lord! I wouldn't want to be in the same room with him when he peels himself out of that suit for his weekly changing. |
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Hammerhead: This guy is dumb, even for a Rulon...and that's no mean feat.
About the only thing Hammerhead is good for is getting shot at, but since nobody can hit anybody else, he always manages to survive each episode only to irritate me in the next. I sure wish somebody would catch this guy in a big net, chop him up, and put him in some cans of tuna. |
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Rasp: The cobra-like Rasp is Krulos' Number 2 and all around Go-To-Guy. Despite his wimpy exterior, Rasp has the cajones to make the occasional smart ass remark to Krulos, which typically results in him nearly getting choked to death. After which Krulos grumbles about how one day he'll give Rasp what he deserves. ("POW! Right to the moon!"...man, if the writers would have had put that into the dialog.)
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Be sure to check out the episode walk-throughs in the "Episodes" section of this page.
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