| The Atomic Brain (1964) |
A crappy, ludicrous story of an old woman trying to live forever. How? Swap brains with young girls. So far, the only successful transplants have been a cat and a dog...How's that for a track record? |
|
| Barbarian Queen 2: The Empress Strikes Back (1989) |
Take a copy of one of the cheesiest sword-and-sandal movies ever made, oh, say, "Barbarian Queen". Remove whatever traces of a plot there may be and add even more crappy sword fights. Voila! You have "Barbarian Queen 2"! Produced by Roger Corman and starring the beautiful Lana Clarkson, this ridiculous 80's flick centers around Athalia, Aurion, Ankaris, Hofrax, and a host of other characters with dumb names, bad perms, and no direction. |
|
| Battlefield Earth (2000) |
As a valuable part of the Incompetent Invasions Roundtable, guest reviewer Karl Hoegle braved John Travolta and a bunch of other wackos dressed up in big rubber suits to get this review finished. If you haven't seen this movie, then consider yourself lucky. |
|
| The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961) |
Bill Warren, author of "Keep Watching the Skies", writes: "It may very well be the worst non-porno science fiction movie ever made." Hardly a movie at all; confusing, incoherent, directionless, just like the 400-pound Tor Johnson who plays the "Beast". |
|
| Beginning of the End (1957) |
A low-budget Bert I. Gordon monster flick featuring everybody's worst fear: giant, radioactive grasshoppers! Not scared yet? Just wait until you see the special effects... |
|
| Being From Another Planet (1982) |
It's a movie about flesh-eating mold and a killer mummy from outer space. Drop your socks and grab your beers for this suck-fest from the '80s! |
|
| Blackenstein (1973) |
Why, oh Lord, why was this film ever made? A gutless, dull, contrived, waste of time...unless you like pain, because, man, does this movie deal out a lot of punishment. If you're looking for a fun "Blaxploitation" flick, go look elsewhere. If you're looking for a piece of crap to put your foot into...look no further. |
|
| The Black Scorpion (1957) |
An above average "giant bug" movie. (And yes, I do know that scorpions are arachnids, not bugs.) Plenty of monster footage, and some surprisingly decent stop motion animation makes this one pretty fun to watch. |
|
| The Brain From Planet Arous (1957) |
A horny space-brain named Gor travels to Earth to enslave the population. Why? To build a fleet of ships so he can conquer the universe. Oh, and he wants to get laid, too. See! John Agar ham it up. See! Giant Space-Brains! See! Cheesy special effects. Read! This review! |
|
| The Brain that Wouldn't Die (1962) |
A sleazy, desperate, horribly acted film about a mad scientist on the hunt for a body for his fiancee who lost her head in a car accident. While his fiancee's head languishes in a cookie-pan filled with goo, the doctor spends most of his time searching in strip clubs and swim suit competitions. Cheers to the writers for the sheer gall to come up with this crap. |
|
| Bride of the Monster (1955) |
Ed Wood's bizarre story of Dr. Vornoff, who is bent on creating a race of atomic super-men...or something. His only success so far is a giant octopus that can't move, so I think the world is safe for now...Classic Ed Wood fare. |
|
| 1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982) |
An Italian rip-off of "Escape from New York". Join Trash, Ice, and Hot Dog as they battle the Hammer, the Tigers, and the Roller Nazis. Leave your brain at the door. |
|
| Can't Stop the Music (1980) |
Part of the Monstrously Miserable Musicals roundtable. An in-depth, touching, realistic look into the world of 1980's New York City club music. NOT! Review by Sean Ledden. |
|
| Cat-Women of the Moon (1953) |
A breath-takingly bizarre story of a mission to the moon. On arrival, the astronauts discover horned giant spiders, gold-filled caves, and an Amazon race of so-called "Cat-Women". (Don't ask). Lovely dialog sampler for you: "You're too smart for me, baby...I like 'em stupid!" |
|
| Cave Dwellers (1984) |
A sleazy, cheap Conan rip-off starring Miles O'Keeffe (remember him cuddling with Bo Derek in Tarzan?) and a cast of many other losers. If you want to see why I hate "Sword and Sandal" films, look no further. Did I mention that this movie sucks? I did? Well let me say it again: This movie sucks! |
|
| Class of Nuke 'Em High (1986) |
Welcome back to school! A Troma pictures release, which you shouldn't take too seriously. If you do, then this movie WILL hurt you. Just have a beer and whatever else you need to survive and give it a whirl. If you don't like Troma pics, then definitely avoid this one. |
|
| Cloverfield (2008) |
Guest reviewer, and tireless Monster Shack proof-reader, Sean Ledden takes a quick look at the latest Hollywood offering. I still don't know what the hell kind of monster it is, but it's big and pissed off so what the heck...it could be fun. |
|
| The Crawling Hand (1963) |
With a crawling story, crawling plot, and crawling pace, this movie will want to make you chew off your own hand in order to get away from the TV. |
|
| The Creeping Terror (1964) |
A film so bad that producer/director/star Arthur Nelson was forced to skip town in order to avoid angry investors. He didn't show up again for over 30 years. This film has more narration than "The Beast of Yucca Flats" and a monster made of old carpets...Dare ye to enter here? |
|
| The Day The Earth Froze (1959) |
A pretty wild Finnish movie based on one of their legends. If you get a chance to see this, make sure to check it out. |
|
| Damnation Alley (1977) |
Fairly painless 1970's post-apacolyptic cheese...you could do a lot worse. Then again, you could do a hell of a lot better also. Be sure to check out the coolest truck of all time: The Land Master! Huzzah! |
|
| The Deadly Bees (1966) |
A turgid British "who dunnit" involving 2 beekeepers, an attractive singer, and a whole lot of bad bee effects. Not even beer could help on this one. |
|
| The Deadly Mantis (1957) |
One of the last of the "big bug" movies...and one of the worst. An uninspired story based on a preposterous "plot". Don't waste your time on this one unless you're into pain. I would recommend at least 8 beers to see you through this one...Let's see, a volcano somewhere in the South Pacific causes an iceberg to break off by the North Pole releasing the titular insect...and then the movie gets really stupid... |
|
| Deadly Weapons (1974) |
Monstrously bosomed Chesty Morgan stars in this sleazy, no-budget crime 'thriller'. Never before has a movie given my a headache and made me want to run for the shower at the same time...and that's not a good thing. |
|
| Devil Fish (1984) |
It's Italian...it's crappy: It's Devil Fish!
A marine monster, almost indestructible. And whose genetic characteristics are as fearsome as the white shark's. A gigantic octopus with the intelligence of a dolphin, and as monstrous as a prehistoric creature. Yeah well, if that doesn't clear things up for you then nothing will... |
|
| Devil Girl From Mars (1954) |
A bizarre British sci-fi film, with a Martian dominatrix, leather mini-skirts, booze, and more booze... |
|
| Dracula vs Frankenstein (1971) |
1970's horror sludge from schlockster Al Adamson. If the title doesn't have you running for the exit than you're sicker than I thought. Have a ready supply of beer for this one.
A proud contribution to the 'VS' roundtable.
 |
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| Earth vs The Spider (1958) |
Bert Gordon at it again. Cheap, cheap special effects along with a cast of cardboard characters that make the spider itself look like Mr. Personality. |
|
| Exit Wounds (2001) |
Part of the Steven Seagal Roundtable. More Seagal madness. Review by Karl Hoegle. |
|
| Fire Maidens of Outer Space (1956) |
A painful turd of a movie. Total waste of time. See 5 boring astronauts fly to Jupiter's 13th moon to discover a bunch of English speaking babes. How did they get there? Why they are from Atlantis. Of course. |
|
| Frankenstein Meets The Space Monster (1965) |
Mull the carpet monster helps the Uncle Fester-esque Dr. Nadir and Princess Marcuza capture Puerto Rico's bikini babes. Oh, and there's a guy named Frank in the movie to. Get it? Frank?...that's as good as it gets, folks. |
|
| Fugitive Alien (1986) |
Another 'TV-Series-Edited-Into-A-Movie' ala "Time of the Apes"...Although this movie undoubtedly sucks, its sheer goofiness can be entertaining at times...if bad Japanese Star Wars rip-offs are your cup o' tea... |
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| Fugitive Alien 2: Star Force (1986) |
Rejoin Ken, Rocky, Tammy, and Captain Joe on their wildly incoherent adventures through space as the Sandy Frank's 'Fugitive Alien' saga continues. You thought the first episode was bad? Oh man, you have no idea just how bad it can really get... |
|
| Future War (1997) |
A movie that does not take place in the future and there is no war. Man, this movie is bad, bad, bad...One of the all time lowest-of-the-lows on the IMDB Bottom 100 List. This lovely pile of crud features bad dinosaurs, bad acting, bad story, and, well, bad everything. |
|
| The Galaxy Invader (1985) |
A rubber monster and a whole buch of rednecks. Rednecks win, but the viewer is the biggest loser of them all. Part of the Incompetent Invasions Roundtable |
|
| The Giant Claw (1957) |
A legendary laugh-fest. See what happens when the film producers have a little miscommunication with the special effects makers. See the "giant claw", a bird from an anti-matter galaxy, fly to Earth and wreak havoc. Oh, and try not to laugh. |
|
| The Giant Gila Monster (1959) |
By the end of the 1950's the whole "giant bug/lizard/spider" genre was at its last gasp. Take a "knee-up" and see why. Created by Ray "The Killer Shrews" Kellogg, this sad little film does have an odd charm to it...at least if you like ukulele playing and bad special effects. |
|
| The Giant Spider Invasion (1975) |
What happens when a meteor crashes into the wilds of Wisconsin? Why a black hole opens up releasing a giant spider that goes on a red-neck eating spree, that's what! Bill Rebane's 1975 classic cheese-fest featuring the biggest spider puppet you've even seen in your life. Run for your beer! |
|
| The Green Slime (1968) |
A super-cheesy 60's sci-fi movie with lots of bad miniatures, bad acting, and even worse monsters. Will the crew of Gamma 3 be able to defeat the hoard of squeaking rubber monsters? Read the review and find out! |
|
| The Great Gabbo (1929) |
Part of the Monstrously Miserable Musicals roundtable. And you thought clowns were freaky...Review by Nathan Decker. |
|
| Hobgoblins (1987) |
Everything you hated about the 80's and more. A crappy, crass, banal, tasteless movie devoid of any redeeming characteristics. Monsters are released that make people's dreams come 'true'...but often kills them in the process. |
|
| Horrors of Spider Island (1960) |
Should have been called Hot German Chicks In Bikinis Dance On Island of No Horror. |
|
| The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? (1964) |
Undoubtedly the catchiest bad-movie title of all time, the movie itself is just as bad.
See!: Jerry and Harold struggle against Madam Estrella and her twin sister Carmelita.
See!: 12 song and dance numbers.
See!: 3 zombies.
See!: One stinking bad movie! |
|
| It Conquered the World (1956) |
Your classic Roger Corman 1950's sci-fi flick...decent story with a goofy monster. Nice to see if you have a couple hours to kill on a rainy day... |
|
| Jaws: The Revenge (1987) |
It's a big shit sandwich, and it's gonna take a bite out of you! How far can a series of movies fall? Well, from the original "Jaws" to this pile of crap is a long, long, way to go... |
|
| King Dinosaur (1955) |
Bert I. Gordon's first film featuring mounds of stock-footage, lizards, er, I mean 'dinosaurs', terrible acting, cheap special effects, and so on and so on. In fact, Bert Gordon didn't like it either...and that says a lot. (If you don't know who Bert Gordon is, then please slap yourself in the face and look him up on IMDB...shame on you!)
Anyway...scientists discover a new planet in our solar system (cool) that turns out to be full of animals that look amazingly like stock-footage of Earth animals. Go figure. Oh yeah, there's an iguana with a horn glued to its nose, oops, I mean a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Who cares. They all get nuked in the end.
See what a true "B-Movie" is all about! |
|
| Lady Terminator (1987) |
A shameless 'homage' (read: rip-off) of a similar movie...oh...what was the title of that movie again? I can't remember...
Anyway, take a trip to the wild side of Indonesian cinema and see what Gonzo is all about.
Not for the faint of heart! |
|
| The Man Who Saves the World (1982) |
Better known by the informal title of "Turkish Star Wars". See Han and Luke battle Vader by using the Force. No wait. I got confused. I meant to say, See Murat and Ali battle the Wizard by using the "Power". Oh, and you get to see a lot of stolen Star Wars footage too. This is undoubtably one of the funniest movies I've ever seen...and it was meant to be completely serious. |
|
| 'Manos' The Hands of Fate (1966) |
This is it...the Big One! No movie can touch this one when it comes to sheer awfulness. Everything about this movie screams one thing: CRAP! Ironic that it was made by a fertilizer salesman... |
|
| Megaforce (1982) |
See the world's most advanced fighting force ride their battle-bikes into a showdown with Evil! Well, it's not really that exciting but it's pretty damned cheesy and there's lot of thumb kissing. You'll see what I mean. |
|
| Mesa of Lost Women (1953) |
A pathetic, lazy, confused, hopeless movie concerning giant spiders, pituitary glands, spider women, evil doctors, and a sound track to haunt you until the end of your days. Why, oh why!, do I do this to myself? Anyway, enjoy it if you can. See it if you must. Avoid it at all costs. |
|
| The Mighty Peking Man (1977) |
Guest reviewer Sean Ledden braves the murky waters of Asian cinema for us. Money-hungry fortune hunters from Hong Kong travel to India to catch a giant ape. (Sound familiar...hmmm.) What happens next...not what you think.... |
|
| Missile To The Moon (1958) |
A film that treats its viewers with utter contempt. A blatant rip-off of "Cat-Women of the Moon", this movie will ruin your day if you are weak of heart. See "Cat Women" first, then if you really want to punish yourself, watch this one... |
|
| The Mole People (1956) |
A dull film featuring John Agar at his worst. An unconvincing script, cheap special effects, and way, way too much talking make this film one to avoid. |
|
| The Monolith Monsters (1957) |
An interesting concept: giant crystals that suck out your silica...so to speak. If you can get over some of the logic errors, you might enjoy this one. |
|
| Monster A-Go Go (1965) |
Finished years after the first director ran out of money, this twisted tale has the greatest sucker-punch ending yet... Even the original writer calls it "...the worst movie ever." |
|
| On Deadly Ground (1994) |
Part of the Steven Seagal Roundtable. See Forrest Taft (!) save the Eskimos from Evil Corporations while destroying the environment in the process. |
|
| Outlaw of Gor (1989) |
What's better than an Italian rip-off of a book that rips off Conan? A hell of a lot! If you enjoy bad sword-n-sandal, then this one's for you. If you don't, then you'd better move along... |
|
| Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959) |
What can be said about a movie that has been described as "perfectly inept?" Here is my two-cents at least... |
|
| Pod People (1983) |
This lovely gem will leave you scratching your head and reaching for the pain killers. Have fun with "Trumpy"! |
|
| The Pumaman (1980) |
An Italian Superman rip-off..I think...well, anyway, it's ripping off something. It will at least rip-off 90 minutes of your life if you watch it. See the world's wimpiest superhero fight Kobras and his menagerie of paper-mache heads as the world hangs in the balance. The Netherlands at least. Confused? Good. Read the review and see for yourself. |
|
| Raging Sharks (2005) |
Alien goo plops into the ocean and drives the sharks into a rage. You know how it is. |
|
| Reptilicus (1961) |
Pretty bad stuff here. Certainly some of the worst monster special effects I have ever seen. A giant monster reptile of some sort regenerates itself from a frozen tip of its tail. Chaos ensues as the creature attacks Copenhagen...a film so bad that even American International Pictures sued the director because it wasn't up to their 'standards'! |
|
| Ring of Terror (1962) |
This movie has the nerve to use the word "Terror" in the title...if there is anything about this movie that scares you, then you have problems... |
|
| Robot Holocaust (1986) |
Porn writer/director Tim Kincaid attempts a sci-fi film with disastrous results. A film so terrible that I almost decided to shut down this web site and devote myself to good films. |
|
| Robot Monster (1953) |
A must see for all 'bad movie' fans! See Ro-Man battle the humans with his calcinator death ray! One of the few movies were the director tried to kill himself after it was released. |
|
| Robo-Vampire (1988) |
Another tour into Asian madness. See the forces of good battle Evil Drug Dealing Taoist Vampires, witches, and bad editing. Pretty wild stuff here. |
|
| The Robot vs The Aztec Mummy (1958) |
Yep. Mexico can make crappy movies just as well as the America. See for yourself if you don't believe me...well, if you're smart you'll just take my word for it. You've been warned. |
|
| Rock-n-Roll Nightmare (1987) |
Part of the Monstrously Miserable Musicals roundtable. See John Triton rock out, get laid, and kick Satan's ass! |
|
| Santa Claus (1959) |
A bizarre Mexican film starring Santa. Old St. Nick, along with the aid of Merlin (!), battle the devil 'Pitch' over the fate of Christmas in Mexico City. Warning: You will never look at Christmas the same way after watching this movie. |
|
| Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) |
Wow. You better have some wine for this cheese! If you want to see some classic 60's schlock sugar-coated in a wad of pain, then check out this film. |
|
| Search For The Beast (1997) |
Take a big bite of Good Ol' Southern Shit Cinema! See! Dr. Stone track down the legendary Beast! See characters disappear without rhyme or reason! See! Your remote control go through the TV to end your pain! See! On of the worst movies ever made! |
|
| Shark Attack (1999) |
Remember that buff dude from Starship Troopers that was supposed to be the next Hollywood action hero? Well, I guess things didn't turn out how they had hoped. Nu-Image snatched him up though. Huzzah! Oh yeah, the movie. Well, if you can't figure it out from the title... |
|
| Shark Attack 2 (2001) |
What's better then a low-budget film about sharks eating people? Why, another low-budget film about sharks eating people!
You can never have too much of a good thing, eh?
Oh, and this one is really bad... |
|
| Shark Man (2005) |
What do you get when you cross a hammer-head shark, a crazy scientist, and a Nu-Image production? A load of shite. |
|
| The She Creature (1956) |
If you think that two guys fighting a mental battle for control of an invisible monster is exciting, then boy is this movie for you. Not even the beautiful Marla English could save this clunker... |
|
| The Slime People (1963) |
Slime creatures from "..the bowels of the Earth" have defeated the US Army, and erected a slime dome around Los Angeles. Can the brave survivors trapped inside escape from this foul beasts? Can you see this movie without getting a headache? I couldn't. |
|
| Space Mutiny (1988) |
A truly crappy 80's sci-fi flick with stock footage ripped off from Battlestar Galactica...yeah, this movie is that good... A cheap piece of crap with no regard for the viewer. |
|
| Squirm (1976) |
Crappy 1970's flick based in "Fly Creek", Georgia. An electric storm pisses off the local earth-worms who then go around eating everybody. This movie is worse than it sounds...way worse. |
|
| Submerged (2005) |
Part of the Steven Seagal Roundtable. Seagal continues to kick ass and take names. Or at least his stunt double does. Review by Sean Ledden. |
|
| The Swarm (1978) |
This movie has it all: Embarrassed stars, killer bees, bad script, explosions, flame throwers, and, well, you get the idea. The ultimate Irwin "Master of Disaster" Allen misstep, in its full 156 minute glory! |
|
| Teenagers From Outer Space (1959) |
Originally called "Invasion of the Gargon", the title was changed in order to tempt teenagers into the theaters. This movie features some of the cheapest "monster" effects I have ever seen...and that says a lot! |
|
| Terror From the Year 5000 (1958) |
An odd tale revolving around two scientist that have managed to breach the "time barrier". Unfortunately, beings from the future have some plans for them! Come and see hypnotic finger nails and spacey high-heels. If you can make it past the rather slow first half, you might find this film rather entertaining. |
|
| Time of the Apes (1987) |
Is it possible to make a decent film by taking a 26-episode Japanese TV-series rip off of "Planet of the Apes", getting rid of all but 4 episodes, and then piecing together the remains into a movie? Nope. This movie puts the "S" in Sucks! Enjoy! |
|
| Track of the Moon Beast (1976) |
A mineralogist gets a piece of moon rock embedded in his head, causing him to transform into a were-lizard whenever the moon is full. This film should have you laughing pretty quickly! |
|
| UFO: Target Earth (1974) |
Regular reviewer Sean Ledden tosses in his bit of the Incompetent Invasions Roundtable. I'll let you read it for yourself. |
|
| Warrior of the Lost World (1985) |
Robert Ginty (aka "The Paper Chase Guy") plays a wimpy post-apocalyptic warrior in this pathetic Italian rip-off of "Mad Max". Turn off your brain and bust out the brewski's for this loser. Joel from MST3K sums it up best when he says, "It's not 'Mad Max', it's Sad Max!" |
|
| The Wild World of Batwoman (1966) |
An atomic hearing aid, a Chinese spirit, and footage ripped off from The Mole People. Reviewing this idiotic movie was the first time I nearly became physically ill from a film. This movie sucks! Never watch this movie. Do something constructive instead, like beat your head against a wall or watch Monster A-Go Go. |
|
| Women of the Prehistoric Planet (1966) |
A whole lot of rubber monsters and cheap movie sets. With a lead actor who seems drunk during the filming, and no women on the planet at all, this makes for some pretty classic 1960's bad movie viewing! |
|
| Zombie Lake (1981) |
Green paint and masking tape doth not a zombie make. This woeful French take of a zombie movie should leave you scratching your head and wondering just what in the hell they were thinking. |
|
The short-lived television series Dino-Riders (stretching a whopping total of 14 episodes) was created primarily as a vehicle for the Tyco line of toys of the same name; a collection of toys featuring 2 themes that kids find irresistible: dinosaurs and aliens. Strange bedfellows indeed, but it worked. . Although the toys were a comparative success (i.e., they made some decent money, and to be fair, it was a pretty clever product), , the cartoon was, well, just plain goofy, even by 1980's standards...Check out the episode walk-throughs as I get them done.
Includes reviews by Dennis, Sean, Karl, and newcomer Scot Nolan. Welcome aboard! Anyway, we decided to pick the movies with the pathetic alien 'invasions'...and it was easier than you might think. I mean, it was easy to pick the movies...it was hard as hell to sit through them. This roundtable consists of The Galaxy Invader by yours truly , UFO:Target Earth by
the infatigable Sean Ledden
, Battlefield Earth by brave reviewer Karl Hoegle, and Godzilla: Final Wars by our newest contributor Scot Nolan.
A closer look at a super star that probably should have quit while he was ahead. Includes reviews by Dennis, Sean, and Karl Hoegle. Don't miss the confused On Deadly Ground, a mindless violence-fest called Submerged, and the always charming Exit Wounds.
Myself, Sean Ledden, and Nathan Decker take on some pretty sour notes here...I plunged deep into the bowels of 1980's hell with a review of Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare, Nathan forced himself to take a look a bizarre song and dance flick from 1929 about a killer puppet...yes, you read that correctly. Anyway it's called The Great Gabbo, and you've been warned. Lastly, Sean wraps things up with a take on a awesomely horrible musical loosely based on the story of the Village People entitled Can't Stop The Music. Have fun!
