Monster Shack Movie Reviews

Directed by R.G. Arledge Run Time: 82 minutes Search For The Beast is one of those films that defies description. But since it is my unpaid, and often thankless, job at this web site to attempt to describe such films, I’m obligated to give it a shot. Let’s start out by noting that the film [...]

Directed by David Quaid Written by Paul Jacobson Tagline: “Blast off for Mars… with Santa and a pair of Earth kids!” Run Time: 81 min Other titles: "Santa Claus Defeats the Aliens " Just the title is enough to make my tooth fillings ache. I picture a hairy-armed goon strapping me into a chair and [...]

Written and Directed by Rene Cardona Tagline: “See All the Weird and Wonderful Characters of Make-Believe! The Fantastic Crystal Work-Room of the Happy Elves! The Fabulous Realm of the Candy-Stick Palaces!” Run Time: 94 min “This is Santa’s Magic Observatory. What wonderful instruments! The Ear Scope! The Teletalker, that knows everything! The Cosmic Telescope! The [...]

Directed by Rafael Portillo Written by Guillermo Calderon Tagline: “See the relentless machine battle the gruesome corpse!” Run Time: 65 min Other Titles: "La momia azteca contra el robot humano " “Stop and think about this: an army of robots obeying me! The human species…sheep obeying my orders! A new theory that man has not [...]

Directed by Phil Tucker Written by Wyott Ordung Tagline: “Moon monsters launch attack against Earth! How can science meet the menace of astral assassins? New Science Fiction Thrills!” Run Time: 66 min “I cannot. Yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do ‘must’ and ‘cannot’ meet? Yet I [...]

Written and Directed by Tim Kincaid Tagline: “It’s machine vs. man in the ultimate battle for the future!” Run Time: 79 min I just want you to know that I came back from vacation yesterday and here I am writing about an absolutely terrible movie called Robot Holocaust…what the hell is wrong with me? The [...]

Directed by Clark L. Paylow Written by Lewis Simeon and G.J. Zinnerman Run Time: 71 min “All monuments, from the simplest to the most elaborate, stand erect on the closed books of the lives of our dearly departed.”- Cemetary caretaker OK, first, sorry for the fuzzy screen shots. Some of these movies I review are [...]

Written and directed by Sidney W. Pink Tagline: “A prehistoric beast born 50 million years out of time!” Run Time: 81 min To give you an idea of just how bad this movie is, consider that the film’s American distributor, the infamous American International Pictures (AIP) (who would distribute anything as long as they could [...]

Directed by Alberto De Martino Written by Luigi Angelo Run Time: 90 min Jane:"Have you ever made love in the air?"Puma Man:"How else would you make little Puma Men?" Pain takes many forms: Headaches, broken bones, tooth aches (of which I actually have one right now), hangovers (I have one of those too), and so [...]

Directed by Juan Piquer Simón Tagline: “Men were not ready to meet these…” Running time: c 80 minutes Other titles: “Los Nuevos Extraterrestres” Ask any movie lover what they consider to be the the worst movie they’ve ever seen. I’ll give you even odds that they say either “Pod People” or “Manos: The Hands of [...]

Written and Directed by Ed Wood Jr. Tagline: “Unspeakable Horrors From Outer Space Paralyze the Living and Resurrect the Dead!” Run Time: 79 min Original Title: “Grave Robbers From Outer Space” You may be wondering how I could pick on poor, old,Plan 9…probably the one movie that has been ridiculed, reviewed, and dissected more than [...]

Directed by John "Bud" Cardos Based on the "Gor" novels by John Norman Run Time: 89 minutes Other Titles: "Outlaw", "The Outlaw" Cabot: "How much further?Hup: "I don’t know, a couple of hours, more or less…as the time flies. The other day as I was sitting outside drinking a cold beer, I had a sudden [...]

Written and Directed by Bill Rebane / Herschell Gordon Lewis Tagline: “An Anstronaut Went Up — ‘Guess What’ Came Down!” Run Time: 69 min Other titles: "Terror at Halfday" What do you get when renowned B-movie schlock-meister Bill Rebane (Director of The Giant Spider Invasion) runs out of money half-way through a movie, and a [...]

Directed by Virgil Vogel Written by Laszlo Gorog Tagline: “Terrifying monsters from a lost age!” Run Time: 77 min “Do you think anybody’s ever tried to smoke dried mushrooms?”- Dr. Roger Bentley This snoozer is another in a long line of 1950′s sci-fi flicks that seem to be merely going through the motions of being [...]

Directed by Richard E. Cunha Screenplay by H.E. Barrie and Vincent Fotre Tagline: "Adventure into the Unknown" Run Time: 78 min “Don’t think, honey…just be beautiful!”- Gary This horrid, contemptible, shameless rip-off of Cat-Women of the Moon is a lovely example of a truly awful sci-fi flick. Almost every aspect of CWOTM has been "borrowed" [...]

In this very special guest review, Sean Ledden takes on the mightiest monkey of them all: Mighty Peking Man! Thanks again! So with no further ado, I now turn the floor over to Sean and the…. 1977 was a banner year for science fiction with the release of two true classics, Star Wars and Close [...]

Directed by Ron Ormond Written by Herbert Tevos Tagline: "A race of deadly spider-women luring men to their death!" Run Time: 70 min Other titles: "Lost Women of Zarpa" “In the continuing war for survival between man and the hexapods, only an utter fool would bet against the insect.”- Narrator Imagine an alternate universe if [...]

Directed by Hal Needham Tagline: “When the force was with them, NO-ONE stood a chance!” Run Time: 99 minutes Megaforce is, I must admit, a guilty pleasure from my long lost past that I’m still able to enjoy as a jaded adult. (My other guilty pleasures from that era are now impossible to re-experience at [...]

Written and directed by Hal Warren Tagline: "It’s beyond your imagination!&quote Run Time: 74 min Other titles: "The Lodge of Sins&quote Necking kids:"Awww…we aint doing nothing…"Sheriff:"Well, whatever it is you’re not doing, go don’t do it somewhere else." No. I did not misquote that second line. That’s as clever as this movie ever gets. So [...]

Directed by Çentin Inanç Run Time: 91 minutes Other Titles: "Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam" (Original Turkish title), "Turkish Star Wars" (USA bootleg title) Murat:"Begin to your famous whistle which no women can resist." Ali:(Whistles) Murat:"You whistle it wrong." Ali:"Why?" Murat:"Skeletons came instead of women." “Our world which had been formed into matter from rays and energy [...]