Big Budget stink bomb explodes in a theater near you!

Stalwart Monster Shack correspondent Sean Ledden sends in this news bit from the mean streets of New York:

Discerning Monster Shack readers might already be alerted to the fact, but “Lockout” the new French sci-fi action movie written by “Mr. Subtlety” himself Luc Besson went off in theaters last week. According to the cool, unemotional entry in Wikipedia, “Lockout follows Snow (Guy Pearce), a man framed for a crime he did not commit, who is offered his freedom in exchange for rescuing the President’s daughter Emilie (Maggie Grace) from the orbital prison MS: One, which has been overtaken by it’s inmates, led by Alex (Vincent Regan) and the psychotic Hydell (Joseph Gilgun.)” The entry continues, “It was released on April 13, 2012 in North America, to a negative critical reception.” How negative? It gets a mere 35% approval rating from the critics listed at Rotten Tomatoes – which could be worse. But here’s something startling, only 47% of the audience like it. Think about it. Only 47% of the people – the kind of people who enjoy paying money to see action movie product on the opening weekend – liked it. This is probably the most undemanding audience in the world. Wow!

So why am I contemplating paying money to see this monstrosity in a theater? It’s David Denby’s fault. Here an excerpt from his review:

“At the screening, in between laughing fits, people around me whispered, in awed tones, “Be movie, 1956″ … If you were to watch “Lockout” a few months from now, at home alone, it wouldn’t produce more than a shrug. Movies this bad need to be revered in public places. Go see it in a mall, and try to sneak a beer or two in with you.”

FYI everyone! And Dennis, if David didn’t have you in mind when he wrote his last sentence I’ll eat my hat!

Postscript: Here’s a little something from Kyle Smith of the New York Post as a further inducement:

“It’s the kind of movie where someone tumbling in space above the earth’s atmosphere opens a parachute and lands gently on earth without even gasping for a breath.”

(And as Porky Pig used to say, “That’s all folks!”)
Sean

10 comments to Big Budget stink bomb explodes in a theater near you!

  • guts3d

    My buddy Ben and I saw this, and chuckled. Cliched is too kind a word for it. The only thing missing is a doctor, about to operate, having a nurse ask him if there is anything she can do and have him answer, yes nurse, you can pray. We both broke into fits of laughter about the re-entry into Earth’s atmosphere with a parachute and no heating or cooling units. You would freeze in seconds if you were that high above the Earth, and turn into a cinder upon re-entry.

  • Sean

    Hey, you’ve given me an idea. Just before the two of them (I’m assuming there were two of them?) take the parachute to earth, she could turn to him and say, “Is there anything I can do?” “Yes, pray.” Hollywood here I come!

  • Guts3d

    Nooooo! Don’ sell out to Hollywood, Sean! I’ll talk Dennis into doubling your current salary.

  • Sean

    Yes. Please do that. I’ve had no luck so far.

  • Charles

    “a man framed for a crime he did not commit”

    You know, I see this all the time in movie blurbs. Do the people writing these just not realize how stupid and redundant it is?

    Is it possible to frame someone for a crime they did commit?

    Off to pour myself a refreshing glass of something refreshing to drink in a glass.

  • guts3d

    Sean- rumor has it that Dennis is filming an all marionette version of John Carpenter’s “The Thing”. I can talk to Universal’s thugs and get you the part of Macready, and a percentage of the gate.

  • “…rumor has it that Dennis is filming an all marionette version of John Carpenter’s “The Thing”…”

    Hey! You promised to keep this under wraps! No bonus check for you…

  • guts3d

    Drat! Who would have thought that Dennis would read these comments???

  • Sean

    Wait a minute. Did you say I could play the marionette that has the Macready role? (Sweet!)

  • dan

    Saw this last night and it was easily the worst movie ive seen in years (since Birdemic). No acting, a horrific script that is extremely predictable with the worst one-liners ive ever heard in a film. The CGI is so bad its hilarious. This movie is perfect fodder for MST3K/Rifftrax/Monster Shack!

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