The Incredible Melting Man (1977)

Written and Directed by William Sachs Run Time: 84 minutes 25 Words or Less: A murderous, melting mutant astronaut named Steve. Wrap Up: Open in deep space where stalwart astronaut Steve West and his sacrificial crew cruise past the planet Saturn. Note that the FX team uses Apollo moon landing footage in a misguided attempt [...]

Rattlers (1976)

Directed by John McCauley Written by Jerry Golding, John McCauley Run Time: 82 minutes 25 Words or Less: Rattlesnakes get pissed off when the military dumps toxic waste on them. Hi Lites Stack FootagePlenty of stock footage from ancient nature reels, complete with defects in the emulsion; I even think I remember seeing one or [...]

Moon of the Wolf (1972)

Directed by Daniel Petrie Written by Alvin Sapinsley Run Time: 75 minutes Tagline: Deadly secrets emerge from the shadows when the full moon rises! Classic Quote: “It’s not considered good medical practice to perform autopsies in the middle of swamps surrounded by howling dogs and scratching rustics”- Doc Druten Sheriff Whitaker (David Janssen)Raspy voiced TV [...]

The War of the Robots (1978)

Written and Directed by Alfonso Brescia Run Time: 99 minutes Tagline: Hostile Alien Cyborgs in a Battle for the Universe War of the Robots is another of my guilty pleasures created by one of my favorit Italian Gods of Schlock: Alfonso Brescia (aka, Al Bradly, director of Supermen vs the Amazons (1975), Cosmos: War of [...]

Supermen vs the Amazons (1975)

Directed by Alfonso Brescia Written by Alfonso Brescia and Aldo Crudo Run Time: 100 minutes Tagline: Super-human feats of strength! Super-thrilling deeds of daring! Super-fantastic conquests of adventure! Other Titles: Super Stooges vs the Wonder Women Darma (Aldo Landi)The mighty Darma is the last in a long line of, well, liars that pretend to be [...]

The Capture of Bigfoot (1979)

Written, directed, produced, and edited by Bill Rebane Run Time: 92 minutes The Legendary Creature of Arak (Janus Raudkivi)I can only assume that this guy owed Bill Rebane a huge favor. What else could explain the fact that he ‘voluntarily’ put on a fuzzy suit and tramped around freezing Wisconsin hinterlands for this ridiculous movie? [...]

Snowbeast (1977)

Directed by Herb Wallerstein Tagline: “An unknown terror stalks a ski resort!” Run Time: 86 minutes In a nutshell: A dull, lifeless, "monster in the wild" made-for-TV flick featuring the usual suspects from 1970′s television. Lines to Remember: Sheriff Paraday: I understand she was a guest at your ski lodge. I was hoping you could [...]

Empire of the Ants (1977)

Directed by Bert I. Gordon Tagline: “For they shall inherit the Earth… sooner than you think!” Run Time: 89 minutes “Oh my God…they’re herding us like cattle!”- Cute Blonde Bert I. Gordon’s The Empire of the Ants is a cheesy giant ant film based loosely, and I mean very loosely, on a 1905 H.G. Wells [...]

Track of the Moon Beast (1976)

Directed by Richard Ashe Written by Bill Finger and Charles Sinclaire Tagline: The rising moon creates a monster Run Time: 90 min “There is an answer…and I think I know what it is…and it makes me sick to think about it!”- Johnny Longbow Are you tired of run-of-the-mill werewolf movies? Bored with the usual ‘werewolf [...]

The Swarm (1978)

Directed by Irwin Allen Based on the novel by Arthur Herzog Jr., Screenplay by Stirling Silliphant Tagline: “It’s more than a speculation – it’s a prediction!” Run Time: 156 minute Director’s Cut (Yeah, baby! 2 and a half hours of cheese!) “I never dreamed that it would turn out to be the bees…They’ve always been [...]

Squirm (1976)

Written and Directed by Jeff Lieberman Tagline: “This was the night of the CRAWLING TERROR!” Run Time: 92 min “There’s a lot of spaghetti here…it may take us ten, fifteen minutes to finish it. Now that’s a bigger head start then you deserve!”- Sheriff What can I say? This movie seemed too bad to pass [...]

Mighty Peking Man (1977)

In this very special guest review, Sean Ledden takes on the mightiest monkey of them all: Mighty Peking Man! Thanks again! So with no further ado, I now turn the floor over to Sean and the…. 1977 was a banner year for science fiction with the release of two true classics, Star Wars and Close [...]

The Giant Spider Invasion (1975)

Directed by Bill Rebane Written by Robert Easton Run Time: 84 min Tagline: "Creeping!…Crawling!…Crushing!" Other Titles: "Invasion of the Giant Spiders" “Sometimes the only way I know you’re alive is when I hear you flush the toilet!”- Ev Bill Rebane is no stranger to schlock B-movies. His epic "The Giant Spider Invasion" is the pinnacle [...]

Dracula vs Frankenstein (1971)

Directed by Al Adamson Tagline: “It’s a real monster mash when they clash!” Run Time: 90 minutes Dracula vs Frankenstein is a film that will leave you scratching your head and saying, "Huh?" It might also make you say a lot more than that…things like "I want a refund!" and "I’m NEVER buying anything from [...]

Double Agent 73 (1974)

Directed by Doris Wishman Tagline: “The Most Unbelievable Set Of Secret Weapons!” Run Time: 73 minutes Our current feature, Double Agent 73, like director Doris Wishman’s other freak show, Deadly Weapons, stars the semi-comatose actress/stripper/breast life-support system Chesty Morgan. As low-budgeted and uninspired as Deadly Weapons was, Wishman’s second film featuring Chesty (and her last) [...]

Deadly Weapons (1974)

Directed by Doris Wishman Tagline: “Seeing is Believing! 73-32-36!” Run Time: 75 minutes Deadly Weapons is one of several "sexploitation" films written, directed, and produced by the prolific pseudo-pornographic pioneer Doris Wishman. A leading figure in the murky niche of soft-core porn/exploitation flicks during the 1970′s, Doris was responsible for filling the local ‘grind house’ [...]

UFO: Target Earth (1974)

Prologue: The phrase “Lamest Space Invasion Ever” instantly brings to my mind the 1964 Larry Buchanan classic “Attack of the the Eye Creatures.” (Sic) In it, a small number of extras in appallingly cheap and incomplete costumes stumble blindly (ha ha!) around a backwater lover’s lane. They leave their plastic flying saucer completely unguarded, thus [...]

Blackenstein (1973)

Directed by William Levey Written by Frank R. Saletri Run Time: 87 min “The DNA formula just isn’t taking hold…We must work on a locking feature.”- Dr. Stein Reviewing Blackenstein gave me the opportunity to take a long overdue side-trip into the world of "Blaxploitation" cinema; a genre which I always find entertaining and on [...]

Starcrash (1978)

Directed by Luigi Cozzi Tagline: “The ultimate inter-galactic adventure” Run Time: 92 minutes NUTSHELL A bizarre Italian "homage" to Star Wars that leaves you feeling that you were just run over by a bus. But your life will be the better for it. Starcrash is one of many Italian "Spaghetti Star Wars" of the late [...]