The Sacrifice (1986)

Written & Directed by Andrei Tarkovsky Alexander – Erland Josephson Adelaide – Susan Fleetwood Otto – Allan Edwall Victor – Sven Wollter Maria – Guorun Gisladottir PROLOGUE I’m about to do something very, very bad. So bad, in fact, it may be blasphemous. I’m about to skewer the final film of cinematic saint Andrei Tarkovsky. [...]

Midnight Movie Massacre (1988)

Directed by Mark Stock Run Time: 85 minutes Other Titles: ATTACK FROM MARS PRODUCTION CREDITS: A.K.A. The Perp Walk Screenplay by: Roger Branit, John Chadwell, David Houston, Wade Williams Produced by: Wade Williams Directed by: Mark Stock CAST: Robert Clarke Ann Robinson And a sorry group of amateurs I won’t shame by printing their names. [...]

Things (1989)

Written by Barry J. Gillis and Andrew Jordan Directed by Andrew Jordan Run Time: 83 minutes 25 Words or Less: You’ll never be the same after "Things". Canada’s first direct-to-video horror movie! Classic Lines: "I’ve lived with the dead in New York City, but this is ridiculous!" – Don The Cast Don Drake (Barry J. [...]

Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Directed by Robert Hiltzik Written by Robert Hiltzik Run Time: 88 minutes A Monster Shack Video Bite Yes, I stumbled upon some old slasher flicks from the 80′s, which is my personal favorite decade for movies of all types…so be expecting to see more reviews from that bygone era (sigh). Call me old and nostalgic. [...]

Night Train To Terror (1985)

Directed by John Carr, Phillip Marshak, Tom McGowan, Jay Schlossberg-Cohen, and Gregg C. Tallas (whew!) Written by Phillip Yordon Run Time: 98 minutes 25 Words or Less: Three movies, one never finished, edited into a full length film complete with God, Satan, boobs, and death machines.   Hi Lites Goofy animationPlenty of cheesy animation consisting [...]

Escape from Galaxy 3 (1981)

Directed by Bitto Albertini (as Ben Norman) Written by John Thomas (who?!) Run Time: 87 minutes Belle Star (Sherry Buchanan)Ahhh…Belle Star. My cosmic princess. Before appearing in this epic movie, Ms. Buchanan had parts in Tentacles (1977) and, one of my personal favorites, Zombie Holocaust (1980). Unfortunately for us cheesy-movie lovers, she fell off the [...]

R.O.T.O.R. (1988)

Written and Directed by Cullen Blaine Run Time: 90 minutes Tagline: Judge, Jury, and Executioner. Few movies cry out to be reviewed as much as R.O.T.O.R. This 80′s sci-fi cheap-o movie has absolutely everything that makes a bad movie good: Goofy character names Embarrassing racial stereotypes Odious comic relief Continuity errors galore Plot holes a’plenty [...]

The Day Time Ended (1980)

Directed by John "Bud" Cardos (Yes, John "Outlaw of Gor" Carlos…) Run Time: 79 minutes Tagline: THEIR LIVES BECAME A LIVING HELL! Grant: "Steve, you know what this is don’t you?…It’s a Time Space Warp!" Steve: "I’m not sure I know exactly what that is." Grant: "I don’t suppose anybody really does." —————— Why? That [...]

The Thing (1982)

Directed by John Carpenter Story by John W. Campbell Jr. (Screenplay: Bill Lancaster) Tagline: “Man is The Warmest Place to Hide” Run Time: 109 min “We’re not getting out of here alive…but neither is that thing…“- MacReady I remember when "The Thing" first came out in the theaters. (Yes, I’m that old.) My father had [...]

The Evil Dead (1981)

Written and Directed by Sam Raimi Tagline: "Can They Be Stopped?" Run Time: 85 min “I fear that the only way to stop those possessed by the spirits of the book is through the act of… bodily dismemberment.”- Voice on tape Sam Raimi’s ground-breaking horror film, The Evil Dead stands as a classic gore-fest film [...]

Zombie Lake (1981)

Directed by Jean Rollin Tagline: “God help us if they rise again!” Run Time: 90 minutes Before we begin, I’d like to make something perfectly clear about this movie. It sucks. Watch something else. Throw your TV out the window. Run away. But if you enjoy crappy movies, then, brother, this will be your Shangri-la. [...]

Warrior of the Lost World (1985)

Written and Directed by David Worth Tagline: “In another time… in a world ruled by tyranny and violence… only one man can stop the nightmare” Run Time: 92 min Other Titles: “Mad Rider” “Very bad mothers! Very bad mothers! Very bad mothers!”- Supersonic Speed Cycle I guess it’s about time we did a nice little [...]

Time of the Apes (1987)

Directed by Kiyo Sumi Fukazawa, Atsuo Okunaka Written by Sakyo Komatsu, Kouji Tonaka Run Time: 97 min “No!…I don’t wanna be killed by a monkey!”- Johnny Imagine yourself as a child at the zoo. The summer sun is high in the sky, the roars and cries of the animals fill the air, you’re eating ice [...]

Space Mutiny (1988)

Directed by David Winters Written by Maria Dante Tagline: “There is nowhere to hide from the enemy within!” Run Time: 93 min “So tell me Dave, your Viper was equipped with a new high-density atomizer escape system, right?”- Commander Jansen Space Mutiny is a film so completely and absolutely awful that it leaves one breathless. [...]

Robot Holocaust (1986)

Written and Directed by Tim Kincaid Tagline: “It’s machine vs. man in the ultimate battle for the future!” Run Time: 79 min I just want you to know that I came back from vacation yesterday and here I am writing about an absolutely terrible movie called Robot Holocaust…what the hell is wrong with me? The [...]

The Pumaman (1980)

Directed by Alberto De Martino Written by Luigi Angelo Run Time: 90 min Jane:"Have you ever made love in the air?"Puma Man:"How else would you make little Puma Men?" Pain takes many forms: Headaches, broken bones, tooth aches (of which I actually have one right now), hangovers (I have one of those too), and so [...]

Pod People (1983)

Directed by Juan Piquer Simón Tagline: “Men were not ready to meet these…” Running time: c 80 minutes Other titles: “Los Nuevos Extraterrestres” Ask any movie lover what they consider to be the the worst movie they’ve ever seen. I’ll give you even odds that they say either “Pod People” or “Manos: The Hands of [...]

Outlaw of Gor (1989)

Directed by John "Bud" Cardos Based on the "Gor" novels by John Norman Run Time: 89 minutes Other Titles: "Outlaw", "The Outlaw" Cabot: "How much further?Hup: "I don’t know, a couple of hours, more or less…as the time flies. The other day as I was sitting outside drinking a cold beer, I had a sudden [...]

Megaforce (1982)

Directed by Hal Needham Tagline: “When the force was with them, NO-ONE stood a chance!” Run Time: 99 minutes Megaforce is, I must admit, a guilty pleasure from my long lost past that I’m still able to enjoy as a jaded adult. (My other guilty pleasures from that era are now impossible to re-experience at [...]

The Man Who Saves The World (1982)

Directed by Çentin Inanç Run Time: 91 minutes Other Titles: "Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam" (Original Turkish title), "Turkish Star Wars" (USA bootleg title) Murat:"Begin to your famous whistle which no women can resist." Ali:(Whistles) Murat:"You whistle it wrong." Ali:"Why?" Murat:"Skeletons came instead of women." “Our world which had been formed into matter from rays and energy [...]