Megalodon (2002)

Directed by Pat Corbitt

Written by Gary Tunnicliffe, Stanley Isaacs

Run Time: 75 minutes

25 Words or Less:

Evil oil drillers wake up a giant, crabby prehistoric shark.

Hi Lites

Cute reporter

She’s cute. She’s a reporter. Let’s just leave it at that.
CGI

Acceptable CGI in the film, but too much mini-sub chomping…a bit boring after a while.
Salty Dive Chief

McGinnis has seen it all…and he’s got the gross scars to prove it.
The majesty of the sea

Well, sort of.
Outrageous feats of Engineering

And it has an elevator to the sea bottom too!

NOTE: Do not confuse this movie with Shark Attack 3: Megalodon….which is a heck of a lot more fun to watch then this one!

Summary

Evil Nexecon executive, Peter Brazier, has just completed his newest drilling platform, Colossus, in order to exploit new petroleum reserves located in remote regions of the ocean. These reserves are of course situated directly over unstable geographic faults with possible underwater caverns…I wonder where this could all be heading?

To calm the public’s outrage over the increase in sea drilling, Brazier invites (cute) investigative journalist Christen Giddings and her nerdy cameraman, Jake, for a personal tour of the Colossus. (Note to all Evil CEO’s: never give tours of your own rigs: monsters can sense this!) After a quick greet-and-eat with the rest of the crew (Characterization!), the gang heads off to bed to get plenty of rest for tomorrow’s excursion to the sea floor. I guess they’re going to be examining the drill spot first hand or something. But you also have to wonder if the characters in these movies ever actually watch monster movies…I mean: a trip to the sea floor by the world’s largest drilling rig…Helloooooo? That thing has "MONSTERS! COME GET ME" written all over it!

The next day’s trip to the bottom takes place not in a mini-sub, but in an elevator..yes, a big elevator with lots of windows. Talk about bone-headed engineering ideas. Surprisingly, the tour to the bottom goes without a hitch…oh, I see..there’s still way too much runtime to kill before tossing our trump card on the big "trapped" scene. That will have to come later.

After chewing up runtime, the gang returns to the rig where a core sample is being extracted from the drill. Oh dear, there’s an obstruction in the pipe. And it’s growling and wiggling around. Not good. Naturally, since the obstruction is moving and growling(!), the only responsible action is to pull out the nearest power-saw and cut open the pipe to see what’s in it. Yee ha! Unfortunately for the poor smuck doing the sawing, a large toothy fish pops out of the hole and immediately chomps his arm sending fake blood spraying about the room. After killing the scaly intruder, the onboard biologist identifies it as a baby megalodon. Now that I think about it, how did it got stuck in a drill pipe in the first place? Ahhh, another mystery.

Anyway, not only did the little bugger nearly chomp the guy’s arm off, it also infected him with an an unidentified strain of prehistoric bacteria. But wait a minute, before you get too excited hoping for a cool undersea-flesh-eating-bacteria scene, you can just forget it: the mysterious megalodonic microbes are never mentioned again. And besides, when you think about it, if a 90-foot shark sinks its teeth into you, a potential skin infection is going to be the least of your worries.

From here on out, the plot makes the predictable stops on its way to the climax: an endless series of underwater mini-sub explorations, stuck elevators, undersea caverns full of new species of fish, etc etc, oh, and a terrible winter storm (so they can’t be airlifted off the rig, sigh). To my great annoyance, Megalodon doesn’t appear in the film until nearly the 55 minute mark…and the movie is only 75 minutes long! Unforgivable! Megalodon finally reaches its soggy crescendo when the brave Dive Chief McGinnis makes the Hero’s Sacrifice by piloting a mini-sub next to the shark and detonating a bunch of explosives. Whoopee.

Three months later,…"somewhere off the coast of France", Christen is chilling out on her luxury yacht…where’d she get the money for that?! Through a her voiceover we learn that Blazier has had a change of heart and is now a respected environmentalist! Yeah, I guess nearly being eaten by a Megalodon can do that to a guy. When Christen goes up on deck for the concluding Wistful Gaze moment, the camera pulls back to reveal, yes, a menacing shadow of another megalodon swimming under her boat…

Cut to closing credits. And please, let’s hope that closing shot isn’t going to lead to a sequel. I can’t take anymore excitement.

Please, not a sequel!

Dennis Grisbeck (June 2012)

 

Afterthoughts

I think that Megalodon’s biggest crime is that it’s just, well, boring! Things take too long to happen and when they finally do, it’s run-of-the-mill CGI footage that we’ve all seen before in one form or another. Not to mention that it wasn’t until the 55 minute mark that we finally get to see the damned shark; and the film is only 75 minutes long in the first place!

Granted, Megalodon is a low-budget direct-to-DVD production, but that’s no excuse to not come up with something fun. C’mon! Let’s get creative here, people!

All in all, this movie is good enough to have a beer and gulp some chips while watching. Think of it as a poor man’s “Deep Blue Sea”, which is a much better movie, so maybe you should just see that one instead.

Various Shots:

Orange stuff!

Christen getting to the know the Colossus crew a bit better.
See! Megladon jump from the water!

Yep.
See! Megladon swim through the water!

Where’s a mini-sub? I’m hungry!
Fossil teeth

The coolest part of the film.

I had trouble finding much from this movie on You Tube because of the massive amount of hits on the other Megalodon movie, but I did manage to dig up a trailer:

Read more about Megalodon at

IMDB

4 comments to Megalodon (2002)

  • guts3d

    …(Note to all Evil CEO’s: never give tours of your own rigs: monsters can sense this!)

    So true! I laughed my butt off at that. Nice review! I am as appaled as you that the title character is in the movie less than 20% of the run time, and only at the end at that. At least ol’ “Bruce” didn’t leap up and snag a passing 747 in flight. This time.

  • True. In fact, the megalodon in this movie actually seemed to behave pretty much how a giant shark would behave: it just swam around and ate whatever it could grab. Scientifically sound, true, but a bit dull after a while.

  • So it didn’t seek revenge on those scientists who freed it from its subterranean prison? How unusual! It seems to be the requirement of all SyFy films.

  • guts3d

    Good point! If I was ever freed from any type of prison, I’d be pretty darn grateful. Seeking death against my liberators seems counter productive!

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