Review Index

The Atomic Brain (1964) A crappy, ludicrous story of an old woman trying to live forever. How? Swap brains with young girls. So far, the only successful transplants have been a cat and a dog…How’s that for a track record?
Attack From Space (1964) Sean suffers through yet another goofy Japanese flick. Yeah, it’s about space and attacks and well, you get the idea…
Attack of the Monsters (1969) Gamera, the Protector of All Children, is back in another goofy adventure with tons of rubber suits, cheesy special effects, aliens, explosions, and, well, not much else.
Barbarian Queen: The Empress Strikes Back (1992) Another Corman quickie produced in Mexico…but it does feature the beautiful Lana Clarkson. R.I.P.
Battlefield Earth (2000) As a valuable part of the Incompetent Invasions Roundtable, guest reviewer Karl Hoegle braved John Travolta and a bunch of other wackos dressed up in big rubber suits to get this review finished. If you haven’t seen this movie, then consider yourself lucky.
The Beast with a Million Eyes (1955) An alien crashes to Earth, takes over some animals, and generally makes a nuisance of itself.
The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961) Coleman Francis delivers again! This time an aging, portly Tor Johnson portrays a Russian atomic scientist mutated by an atomic explosion…and then it gets really goofy…
Beginning of the End (1957) A low-budget Bert I. Gordon monster flick featuring everybody’s worst fear: giant, radioactive grasshoppers! Not scared yet? Just wait until you see the special effects…
Behemoth (2010) Behemoth! Something about some backpackers, a mountain, a rubber monster, and well, it’s a bunch of made-for-TV cheese for you to enjoy.
Being From Another Planet (1982) It’s a movie about flesh-eating mold and a killer mummy from outer space. Drop your socks and grab your beers for this suck-fest from the ’80s!
Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2008) OK…was this a joke? If not, then this tale of killer birds and global warming will make you hurt. Actually, this movie hurts no matter what.
Blackenstein (1973) Why, oh Lord, why was this film ever made? A gutless, dull, contrived, waste of time…unless you like pain, because, man, does this movie deal out a lot of punishment. If you’re looking for a fun “Blaxploitation” flick, go look elsewhere. If you’re looking for a piece of crap to put your foot into…look no further.
The Black Scorpion (1957) An above average “giant bug” movie. (And yes, I do know that scorpions are arachnids, not bugs.) Plenty of monster footage, and some surprisingly decent stop motion animation makes this one pretty fun to watch.
Boa vs. Python (2004) A Direct-To-DVD cheapie with a lot of CGI snakes. Despite the paper-thin plot, the movie does eventually offer a lot of people getting gulped down, but not much else.
The Brain From Planet Arous (1957) A horny space-brain named Gor travels to Earth to enslave the population. Why? To build a fleet of ships so he can conquer the universe. Oh, and he wants to get laid, too. See! John Agar ham it up. See! Giant Space-Brains! See! Cheesy special effects. Read! This review!
The Brain that Wouldn’t Die (1962) A sleazy, desperate, horribly acted film about a mad scientist on the hunt for a body for his fiancee who lost her head in a car accident. While his fiancee’s head languishes in a cookie-pan filled with goo, the doctor spends most of his time searching in strip clubs and swim suit competitions. Cheers to the writers for the sheer gall to come up with this crap.
Bride of the Monster (1955) Ed Wood’s bizarre story of Dr. Vornoff, who is bent on creating a race of atomic super-men…or something. His only success so far is a giant octopus that can’t move, so I think the world is safe for now…Classic Ed Wood fare.
1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982) An Italian rip-off of “Escape from New York”. Join Trash, Ice, and Hot Dog as they battle the Hammer, the Tigers, and the Roller Nazis. Leave your brain at the door.
Can’t Stop the Music (1980) Part of the Monstrously Miserable Musicals roundtable. An in-depth, touching, realistic look into the world of 1980′s New York City club music. NOT! Review by Sean Ledden.
The Capture of Bigfoot (1979) Attempting to cash in on the late 1970′s Big Foot craze, writer/director extraordinaire Bill Rebane throws his hat in the ring with the rest of the cheesey movies from that era.
Cat-Women of the Moon (1953) Cat women. Moon. Love-starved Moon-maidens. Hew boy! Be sure to check this one out for a truly odd 1950′s gem.
Cave Dwellers (1984) A sleazy, cheap Conan rip-off starring Miles O’Keeffe (remember him cuddling with Bo Derek in Tarzan?) and a cast of many other losers. If you want to see why I hate “Sword and Sandal” films, look no further. Did I mention that this movie sucks? I did? Well let me say it again: This movie sucks!
Class of Nuke ‘Em High (1986) Welcome back to school! A Troma pictures release, which you shouldn’t take too seriously. If you do, then this movie WILL hurt you. Just have a beer and whatever else you need to survive and give it a whirl. If you don’t like Troma pics, then definitely avoid this one.

Post-Grammatic Stress Disorder roundtable
Cloverfield (2008) Guest reviewer, and tireless Monster Shack proof-reader, Sean Ledden takes a quick look at the latest Hollywood offering. I still don’t know what the hell kind of monster it is, but it’s big and pissed off so what the heck…it could be fun.
Contact (1997) Part One of Sean Ledden’s Attack of the Sci-Fi Soap Opera Serial. Can Sean take on Jodie Foster and the aliens and survive? Read the review and find out!
The Crawling Hand (1963) With a crawling story, crawling plot, and crawling pace, this movie will want to make you chew off your own hand in order to get away from the TV.
The Creeping Terror (1964) A film so bad that producer/director/star Arthur Nelson was forced to skip town in order to avoid angry investors. He didn’t show up again for over 30 years. This film has more narration than “The Beast of Yucca Flats” and a monster made of old carpets…Dare ye to enter here?
The Day The Earth Froze (1959) A pretty wild Finnish movie based on one of their legends. If you get a chance to see this, make sure to check it out.
The Day Time Ended (1980) An insanely lazy rip-off of ‘Close Encounters of the Third Kind’ featuring a confused cast, goofy monsters, and a whole lot of things that make you say, “Huh???”
The Deadly Bees (1966) A turgid British “who dunnit” involving 2 beekeepers, an attractive singer, and a whole lot of bad bee effects. Not even beer could help on this one.
The Deadly Mantis (1957) One of the last of the “big bug” movies…and one of the worst. An uninspired story based on a preposterous “plot”. Don’t waste your time on this one unless you’re into pain. I would recommend at least 8 beers to see you through this one…Let’s see, a volcano somewhere in the South Pacific causes an iceberg to break off by the North Pole releasing the titular insect…and then the movie gets really stupid…
Deadly Weapons (1974) Monstrously bosomed Chesty Morgan stars in this sleazy, no-budget crime ‘thriller’. Never before has a movie given me a headache and made me want to run for the shower at the same time…and that’s not a good thing.
Destroy All Planets (1968) Our favorite flying, fire breathing, space turtle is back again to fight off swarms of aliens (OK, about 5 of them), and the evil grey squid-bird monster thingee. Sounds weird? You ain’t seen nothing yet…
Devil Fish (1984) It’s Italian…it’s crappy: It’s Devil Fish!

A marine monster, almost indestructible. And whose genetic characteristics are as fearsome as the white shark’s. A gigantic octopus with the intelligence of a dolphin, and as monstrous as a prehistoric creature. Yeah well, if that doesn’t clear things up for you then nothing will…
Devil Girl From Mars (1954) A bizarre British sci-fi film, with a Martian dominatrix, leather mini-skirts, booze, and more booze…
District 9 (2009) You better watch out and treat aliens nice, because they just might come back and whoop your ass some day. Seriously though, a great flick that will have you thinking about human nature…and the alien weapons are really kick-ass too!
Dollman vs. the Demonic Toys (1993) Brick Bardo teams up with Nurse Ginger to battle toys from Hell!
Double Agent 73 (1974) Chesty Morgan is back and bigger than ever in this no budget, no sense, and no class spy thriller that has to been seen to be believed…but I wouldn’t recommend it!
Dracula vs Frankenstein (1971) 1970′s horror sludge from schlockster Al Adamson. If the title doesn’t have you running for the exit than you’re sicker than I thought. Have a ready supply of beer for this one.

A proud contribution to the ‘VS’ roundtable.

VS roundtable
Earth vs The Spider (1958) Bert Gordon at it again. Cheap, cheap special effects along with a cast of cardboard characters that make the spider itself look like Mr. Personality.
Empire of the Ants (1977) Bert I Gordon’s ridiculous giant ant flick featuring a bland characters, goofy ant puppets, and a cheesy special effects (as usual).
Escape From Galaxy 3 (1981) A horrible Italian space flick based on / ripped off from Star Crash. Yeah, it’s that bad!
The Evil Dead (1981) * Sam Raimi’s cult classic gore-fest. See Ash (Bruce Campbell) battle Kandarian demons for the fate of his soul!
Exit Wounds (2001) Part of the Steven Seagal Roundtable. More Seagal madness. Review by Karl Hoegle.
Fire Maidens of Outer Space (1956) A painful turd of a movie. Total waste of time. See 5 boring astronauts fly to Jupiter’s 13th moon to discover a bunch of English speaking babes. How did they get there? Why they are from Atlantis. Of course.
Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe (1940) * Flash battles Ming for control of the universe, and the future of the Earth. This 12-part serial film is a great glimpse into a different movie era.
Frankenfish (2004) Giant mutant fish, hot chicks, and noodlin’…c’mon ya’ll and check this one out!
Frankenstein Meets The Space Monster (1965) Mull the carpet monster helps the Uncle Fester-esque Dr. Nadir and Princess Marcuza capture Puerto Rico’s bikini babes. Oh, and there’s a guy named Frank in the movie to. Get it? Frank?…that’s as good as it gets, folks.
From Hell it Came (1957) What’s more exciting than a zombie tree? Pretty much everything. Make sure to check out this absurb film from the glory days of cheese!
Fugitive Alien (1986) Another ‘TV-Series-Edited-Into-A-Movie’ ala “Time of the Apes”…Although this movie undoubtedly sucks, its sheer goofiness can be entertaining at times…if bad Japanese Star Wars rip-offs are your cup o’ tea…
Fugitive Alien 2: Star Force (1986) Rejoin Ken, Rocky, Tammy, and Captain Joe on their wildly incoherent adventures through space as the Sandy Frank’s ‘Fugitive Alien’ saga continues. You thought the first episode was bad? Oh man, you have no idea just how bad it can really get…
Future War (1997) A movie that does not take place in the future and there is no war. Man, this movie is bad, bad, bad…One of the all time lowest-of-the-lows on the IMDB Bottom 100 List. This lovely pile of crud features bad dinosaurs, bad acting, bad story, and, well, bad everything.
The Galaxy Invader (1985) A rubber monster and a whole buch of rednecks. Rednecks win, but the viewer is the biggest loser of them all. Part of the Incompetent Invasions Roundtable
The Giant Claw (1957) A legendary laugh-fest. See what happens when the film producers have a little miscommunication with the special effects makers. See the “giant claw”, a bird from an anti-matter galaxy, fly to Earth and wreak havoc. Oh, and try not to laugh.
The Giant Gila Monster (1959) By the end of the 1950′s the whole “giant bug/lizard/spider” genre was at its last gasp. Take a “knee-up” and see why. Created by Ray “The Killer Shrews” Kellogg, this sad little film does have an odd charm to it…at least if you like ukulele playing and bad special effects.
The Giant of Metropolis (1961) See! Musclebound Obro make his way to evil Atlantis!
See! Obro destroy the godless heathens!
See! Faith conquer science as the despotic Yotar falls to the powers of good!
See! If you can make it all the way through this movie without turning off your TV!
The Giant Spider Invasion (1975) What happens when a meteor crashes into the wilds of Wisconsin? Why a black hole opens up releasing a giant spider that goes on a red-neck eating spree, that’s what! Bill Rebane’s 1975 classic cheese-fest featuring the biggest spider puppet you’ve even seen in your life. Run for your beer!
Godzilla (1998) The year: 1998. The event: a big budget Hollywood version of “Godzilla.” The result: a movie that will live in infamy! Were Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich trying to avenge Pearl Harbor by making this fiasco, or did they have darker, more sinister motives? Read the review and find out!
The Great Gabbo (1929) Part of the Monstrously Miserable Musicals roundtable. And you thought clowns were freaky…Review by Nathan Decker.
The Green Slime (1968) Rubber monsters. Space ships. Green Slime. Dancing. Hot chicks. What more do you want in movie?
Highlander 2 (1991) Karl sacrifices a large number of brain cells by watching this horrible movie and sending in a guest review. Poor guy. I’m going to double his salary immediately!
Hobgoblins (1987) Everything you hated about the 80′s and more. A crappy, crass, banal, tasteless movie devoid of any redeeming characteristics. Monsters are released that make people’s dreams come ‘true’…but often kills them in the process.
Horrors of Spider Island (1960) Should have been called Hot German Chicks In Bikinis Dance On Island of No Horror.
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? (1964) Undoubtedly the catchiest bad-movie title of all time, the movie itself is just as bad.

See!: Jerry and Harold struggle against Madam Estrella and her twin sister Carmelita.

See!: 12 song and dance numbers.

See!: 3 zombies.

See!: One stinking bad movie!
The Incredible Melting Man (1977) A goofy 70′s monster flick best watched from the sofa with plenty of beer. Astronaut Steve Rebar (!) travels too close to Saturn and ends up a melty mess of a man…and he’s pissed!
It Conquered the World (1956) Your classic Roger Corman 1950′s sci-fi flick…decent story with a goofy monster. Nice to see if you have a couple hours to kill on a rainy day…
It’s Alive (1969) What do you get when you mix a redneck cast, a rubber-suit monster, and a zero-dollar budget: It’s Alive! But your brain will be dead after watching this horrid Larry Buchanon flick…you’re warned as usual.
I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957) * Michael Landon plays the hot-headed teenager ‘Tony Rivers’ in this classic monster movie. Under the care of the evil Dr. Brandon, Tony is hypnotically “regressed ” back to our distant evolutionary ancestors: Werewolves!
Jaws: The Revenge (1987) It’s a big shit sandwich, and it’s gonna take a bite out of you! How far can a series of movies fall? Well, from the original “Jaws” to this pile of crap is a long, long, way to go…
King Dinosaur (1955) Bert I. Gordon’s first film featuring mounds of stock-footage, lizards, er, I mean ‘dinosaurs’, terrible acting, cheap special effects, and so on and so on. In fact, Bert Gordon didn’t like it either…and that says a lot. (If you don’t know who Bert Gordon is, then please slap yourself in the face and look him up on IMDB…shame on you!)

Anyway…scientists discover a new planet in our solar system (cool) that turns out to be full of animals that look amazingly like stock-footage of Earth animals. Go figure. Oh yeah, there’s an iguana with a horn glued to its nose, oops, I mean a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Who cares. They all get nuked in the end.

See what a true “B-Movie” is all about!
King Kong (1933) * The classic King Kong…a must see for everybody. So why is it on this site? I can’t remember. Just make sure you see it.
King of Kong Island (1968) A bizarre ‘mad monkey’ tale complete with a muscle-bound hero, a cute savage chick, a mad scientist, and enough stock footage to choke a gorilla.
Kottentail (2007) A toungue-in-cheek monster flick about a killer rabbit-man mutant monster dude. Funny as hell and lots of good looking women, so it definitely deserves a spot in this list.
Kronos (1957) A meteorite splashes down into the ocean and reveals a 100-foot robot bent on destroying the world. First stop: L.A.!
Lady in the Water (2006) What happens when a successful filmmaker gets $75 million to do a movie that began as an inspirational bedtime story to his children? Read and find out as Sean and the Monster Shack tackle the…(drum roll)…Lady in the Water! (Don’t worry, she wasn’t hurt.)
Latitude Zero (1969) Another great review from Sean Ledden. As he puts it ‘…another irresistible blend of fantastical design, unexplained plot points, and buoyant joie de vivre from Japan’s golden age of sci-fi fantasy.’
Lost in Space (1998) A crappy remake of a cheesy sci-fi TV series made mostly to cash in on Matt LeBlanc’s ‘Friends’ popularity, plus obvious aimed-at-kids marketing. Ack. This is one bad movie. A guest review by Karl Hoegle
Machine Head (2000) A low-budget fusion of the Re-Animator and small engine repair.
The Man Who Saves the World (1982) Better known by the informal title of “Turkish Star Wars”. See Han and Luke battle Vader by using the Force. No wait. I got confused. I meant to say, See Murat and Ali battle the Wizard by using the “Power”. Oh, and you get to see a lot of stolen Star Wars footage too. This is undoubtably one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen…and it was meant to be completely serious.
‘Manos’ The Hands of Fate (1966) This is it…the Big One! No movie can touch this one when it comes to sheer awfulness. Everything about this movie screams one thing: CRAP! Ironic that it was made by a fertilizer salesman…
Megaforce (1982) See the world’s most advanced fighting force ride their battle-bikes into a showdown with Evil! Well, it’s not really that exciting but it’s pretty damned cheesy and there’s lot of thumb kissing. You’ll see what I mean.
Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus (2010) Sean delivers the goods again with a guest review of a really bad movie. But I guess you already knew that just from the title, eh?
Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (2009) Just when you thought it was safe to watch TV again…Make sure to check this one out, it’s actually pretty funny.
Megalodon (2002) Megaladon! A giant, crabby shark that eats CGI mini-subs for breakfast! Num! And that’s about as exciting as it gets.
Mesa of Lost Women (1953) A pathetic, lazy, confused, hopeless movie concerning giant spiders, pituitary glands, spider women, evil doctors, and a sound track to haunt you until the end of your days. Why, oh why!, do I do this to myself? Anyway, enjoy it if you can. See it if you must. Avoid it at all costs.
Midnight Movie Massacre (1988) Guest reviewer Sean Ledden sits through a thoroughly crappy movie for your entertainment. This dud takes place in a movie theater showing a crappy movie while the patrons are attacked by an honest-to-goodness Martian. Sounds like a winner, eh?
The Mighty Peking Man (1977) Guest reviewer Sean Ledden braves the murky waters of Asian cinema for us. Money-hungry fortune hunters from Hong Kong travel to India to catch a giant ape. (Sound familiar…hmmm.) What happens next…not what you think….
Missile To The Moon (1958) A film that treats its viewers with utter contempt. A blatant rip-off of “Cat-Women of the Moon”, this movie will ruin your day if you are weak of heart. See “Cat Women” first, then if you really want to punish yourself, watch this one…
Mission To Mars (2000) In Sean’s words: “This should be refreshing, but unfortunately it is so besotted with sex and romance it doesn’t have another idea in its pretty little head.” – Part 2 of Sean Ledden’s Sci-Fi Soap Opera Serial!
The Mole People (1956) A dull film featuring John Agar at his worst. An unconvincing script, cheap special effects, and way, way too much talking make this film one to avoid.
Monster (2008) A DTV release movie about…you guessed it: a monster. Don’t get your hopes up too high for this one. A guest review by Sean Ledden
Monster A-Go Go (1965) Finished years after the first director ran out of money, this twisted tale has the greatest sucker-punch ending yet… Even the original writer calls it “…the worst movie ever.”
Moon of the Wolf (1972) A made-for-TV misfire that stumbles about for an hour or so before sputtering to its ridiculous ending.
Night Train to Terror (1985) An incredibly cheesy 80′s flick made from bits and pieces of 3 sub-par films edited together into one sort-of movie. Although it does have some funny parts, it is a very confusing mess that’s difficult to get through…but there ARE lots of monsters, so hey…you decide if you want to see it or not.
Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens (1922) * Max Shreck’s classic portrayal of the horrible vampire Nosferatu is still a pleasure to see. Watch the helpless villagers of Wisborg struggle against the evil that has snuck itself into their town. Shreck brings a far more sinister edge to the vampire than Lugosi did in 1931. See for yourself.
On Deadly Ground (1994) Part of the Steven Seagal Roundtable. See Forrest Taft (!) save the Eskimos from Evil Corporations while destroying the environment in the process.
Outlaw of Gor (1989) What’s better than an Italian rip-off of a book that rips off Conan? A hell of a lot! If you enjoy bad sword-n-sandal, then this one’s for you. If you don’t, then you’d better move along…
Phantom from Space (1953) A tedious story of an invisible alien visitor. Where is he from? What does he want? We’ll never know, but by the end of the movie you probably won’t care either.
Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959) What can be said about a movie that has been described as “perfectly inept?” Here is my two-cents at least…
Pod People (1983) This lovely gem will leave you scratching your head and reaching for the pain killers. Have fun with “Trumpy”!
The Pumaman (1980) An Italian Superman rip-off..I think…well, anyway, it’s ripping off something. It will at least rip-off 90 minutes of your life if you watch it. See the world’s wimpiest superhero fight Kobras and his menagerie of paper-mache heads as the world hangs in the balance. The Netherlands at least. Confused? Good. Read the review and see for yourself.
Rattlers (1976) The Army dumps toxic waste in the desert and pisses off a bunch of snakes. Yep…that’s pretty much it.
Reptilicus (1961) Never seen a puppet eat a cartoon man? Now you can! And oh, oh so much more that is…Reptilicus!
Ring of Terror (1962) This movie has the nerve to use the word “Terror” in the title…if there is anything about this movie that scares you, then you have problems…
Robot Holocaust (1986) Porn writer/director Tim Kincaid attempts a sci-fi film with disastrous results. A film so terrible that I almost decided to shut down this web site and devote myself to good films.
Robot Monster (1953) A must see for all ‘bad movie’ fans! See Ro-Man battle the humans with his calcinator death ray! One of the few movies were the director tried to kill himself after it was released.
The Robot vs The Aztec Mummy (1958) Yep. Mexico can make crappy movies just as well as the America. See for yourself if you don’t believe me…well, if you’re smart you’ll just take my word for it. You’ve been warned.
Rock-n-Roll Nightmare (1987) Part of the Monstrously Miserable Musicals roundtable. See John Triton rock out, get laid, and kick Satan’s ass!
R.O.T.O.R. (1988) “Inspired” by Terminator and RoboCop, this movie tries its best to continue the tradition of robotic-cop stories. That’s where the similarity stops. But it IS fun, so check it out.
The Sacrifice (1986) It’s a deeply felt, and deeply terrible look at one man’s psychological breakdown, I mean religious awakening.
Watching it just might inspire something similar in you. Be warned!
Santa Claus (1959) A bizarre Mexican film starring Santa. Old St. Nick, along with the aid of Merlin (!), battle the devil ‘Pitch’ over the fate of Christmas in Mexico City. Warning: You will never look at Christmas the same way after watching this movie.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) Wow. You better have some wine for this cheese! If you want to see some classic 60′s schlock sugar-coated in a wad of pain, then check out this film.
Search For The Beast (1997) Take a big bite of Good Ol’ Southern Shit Cinema! See! Dr. Stone track down the legendary Beast! See characters disappear without rhyme or reason! See! Your remote control go through the TV to end your pain! See! On of the worst movies ever made!
The Secret Adventures of Tom Thumb (1993) * An amazing film…a nightmarish journey into spider, darkness, mutants…and a father’s love for his son.
Sharknado (2013) If you love sharks and you love tornadoes, then you’re going to LOVE Sharknado!
The She Creature (1956) If you think that two guys fighting a mental battle for control of an invisible monster is exciting, then boy is this movie for you. Not even the beautiful Marla English could save this clunker…
Sleepaway Camp (1983) Sometimes there’s more than meets the eye…
The Slime People (1963) Slime creatures from “..the bowels of the Earth” have defeated the US Army, and erected a slime dome around Los Angeles. Can the brave survivors trapped inside escape from this foul beasts? Can you see this movie without getting a headache? I couldn’t.
Snowbeast (1977) A dull, paint-by-the-number made-for-TV sludge romp from the glory days of sad television movies.
Space Mutiny (1988) A truly crappy 80′s sci-fi flick with stock footage ripped off from Battlestar Galactica…yeah, this movie is that good… A cheap piece of crap with no regard for the viewer.
Squirm (1976) Crappy 1970′s flick based in “Fly Creek”, Georgia. An electric storm pisses off the local earth-worms who then go around eating everybody. This movie is worse than it sounds…way worse.

Exterminate! roundtable
Starcrash (1978) More insanity and wackiness from our friends in Italy. This Star Wars rip-off stars the beautiful Caroline Munro and the not-so-beautiful David Hasselhoff…Oh, well, you can’t win them all.
Submerged (2005) Part of the Steven Seagal Roundtable. Seagal continues to kick ass and take names. Or at least his stunt double does. Review by Sean Ledden.
Supermen vs the Amazons (1975) An insane Italian film about 3 dudes who must defeat hot Amazons. I bet you haven’t seen anything like this before. From the director who brought you “War of the Planets” and “War of the Robots”, you can’t miss with this one!
The Swarm (1978) This movie has it all: Embarrassed stars, killer bees, bad script, explosions, flame throwers, and, well, you get the idea. The ultimate Irwin “Master of Disaster” Allen misstep, in its full 156 minute glory!
Teenagers From Outer Space (1959) Originally called “Invasion of the Gargon”, the title was changed in order to tempt teenagers into the theaters. This movie features some of the cheapest “monster” effects I have ever seen…and that says a lot!
Terror From the Year 5000 (1958) An odd tale revolving around two scientist that have managed to breach the “time barrier”. Unfortunately, beings from the future have some plans for them! Come and see hypnotic finger nails and spacey high-heels. If you can make it past the rather slow first half, you might find this film rather entertaining.
They Saved Hitler’s Brain (1963) But why would they want to? Oh yeah. To take over the world with G-gas. Naturally things go to hell pretty quick, so don’t lose any sleep over it.
The Thing (1982) * A movie that scared the living crap out of me as a kid. A masterful remake of the 1951 horror movie “The Thing From Another World”, director John Carpenter creates a gloomy story of bravery, suspicion, and fear. The special effects are out of this world! (Ok. The pun was intended…)
Things (1989) Often considered the worst film of all times, this Canadian cult classic redifines BAD! This $40,000 independent flick pushes the limits of how much your mind can take…it hurts! But it’s funny as hell!
Time of the Apes (1987) Is it possible to make a decent film by taking a 26-episode Japanese TV-series rip off of “Planet of the Apes”, getting rid of all but 4 episodes, and then piecing together the remains into a movie? Nope. This movie puts the “S” in Sucks! Enjoy!
Timelock (1996) A dreary, boring Escape From Prison Planet movie. Keep far away from this one.
Track of the Moon Beast (1976) A mineralogist gets a piece of moon rock embedded in his head, causing him to transform into a were-lizard whenever the moon is full. This film should have you laughing pretty quickly!
Troll Hunter (2010) Now this is a great movie! And I’m not saying that because I live in Norway…make sure to check this “documentary” out. A guest review by Sean Ledden
UFO: Target Earth (1974) Regular reviewer Sean Ledden tosses in his bit of the Incompetent Invasions Roundtable. I’ll let you read it for yourself.
Unknown World (1951) A movie that drills down and ‘bores’ its viewers before hitting ‘rock bottom’…ha ha. Oh boy. I’m funny. Take a trip to the center of the world, almost, without running into anything more exciting than a blind fish.
The War of the Robots (1978) Another great Italian sci-fi flick full of madness, confusion, weird costumes, and a couple of Star Wars ripoffs for good measure. See Captain Boyd drink martinis, blow up golden robots, kill his old girlfriend and get a new one, all while saving a bunch of bug-eyed aliens from having their organs harvested. I think. It’s all pretty crazy.
War of the Worlds (2005) Thanks again to Sean Ledden for this interesting critique of the popular remake of H.G. Wells’ classic tale of doomed Martian invasion.
Warrior of the Lost World (1985) Robert Ginty (aka “The Paper Chase Guy”) plays a wimpy post-apocalyptic warrior in this pathetic Italian rip-off of “Mad Max”. Turn off your brain and bust out the brewski’s for this loser. Joel from MST3K sums it up best when he says, “It’s not ‘Mad Max’, it’s Sad Max!”
Waterworld (1995) Thanks to Karl for this guest review of Waterworld…better known as ‘Fishgate’ to those of you who have been unfortunate enough to see it. Enjoy the review!
The Wild World of Batwoman (1966) An atomic hearing aid, a Chinese spirit, and footage ripped off from The Mole People. Reviewing this idiotic movie was the first time I nearly became physically ill from a film. This movie sucks! Never watch this movie. Do something constructive instead, like beat your head against a wall or watch Monster A-Go Go.
Women of the Prehistoric Planet (1966) A whole lot of rubber monsters and cheap movie sets. With a lead actor who seems drunk during the filming, and no women on the planet at all, this makes for some pretty classic 1960′s bad movie viewing!
The X from Outer Space (1967) Sean Ledden shares with us a tale of space Age optimism, rocket ships, alcohol, repressed jealousy, and a Giant Space-Chicken of Mass Destruction!
Zombie Lake (1981) Green paint and masking tape doth not a zombie make. This woeful French take of a zombie movie should leave you scratching your head and wondering just what in the hell they were thinking.




Roundtables

Incompetent Invasions (May 2008): Includes reviews by Dennis, Sean, Karl, and newcomer Scot Nolan. Welcome aboard! Anyway, we decided to pick the movies with the pathetic alien ‘invasions’…and it was easier than you might think. I mean, it was easy to pick the movies…it was hard as hell to sit through them. This roundtable consists of The Galaxy Invader by yours truly , UFO:Target Earth by the infatigable Sean Ledden, Battlefield Earth by brave reviewer Karl Hoegle, and Godzilla: Final Wars by our newest contributor Scot Nolan.




Steven Seagal: A Senior Superhero (January 2008): A closer look at a super star that probably should have quit while he was ahead. Includes reviews by Dennis, Sean, and Karl Hoegle. Don’t miss the confused On Deadly Ground, a mindless violence-fest called Submerged, and the always charming Exit Wounds.




Monstrously Miserable Musicals (June 2007): Myself, Sean Ledden, and Nathan Decker take on some pretty sour notes here…I plunged deep into the bowels of 1980′s hell with a review of Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare, Nathan forced himself to take a look a bizarre song and dance flick from 1929 about a killer puppet…yes, you read that correctly. Anyway it’s called The Great Gabbo, and you’ve been warned. Lastly, Sean wraps things up with a take on a awesomely horrible musical loosely based on the story of the Village People entitled Can’t Stop The Music. Have fun!





Books

Sean Ledden reviews Paul Di Filippo’s book Creature from the Black Lagoon: Time’s Black Lagoon.






* : Warning! Movies marked with a “*” are actually good movies! Read these reviews at your own risk!