The Home Electrical (192?)

The Home Electrical

Summary: A nostalgic look at how things once were…"One with all the calculator know-how you’ll probably ever need."

I’m not sure of the date of this reel, but it’s a freakin’ silent movie, so can it be from the 30’s? Earlier? I tried to find the date of this one on the Internet but to no avail. Feel free to drop me a line if anybody knows out there.

OK, open with a slide that informs us that:

The Home Electrical

The aforementioned Mr. Newhouse is now shown staring longingly at a display of…some sort of electrical contraption. I have no idea what it is. It could be anything from a dishwasher to an atom bomb. Oh, ok, they’re heaters…sorry "Electric heating devices," as Newhouse explains to his friend that pops up and gives him a warm handshake.

The Home Electrical

"I’m interested in these electric heating devices…"

The two men continue to gesticulate and "talk" even though everything is completely silent. Now, ok, I’ve had a few beers (give me a break: could you sit and write reviews of these things completely sober?!!), but man, this silence is really weird. Newhouse’s friend puts forth a cryptic offer…

The Home Electrical

Please. Don’t ask me. I just review here.

There’s about a million images running through my head at this point, and most of them are giving me the creeps. Nevertheless, Newhouse takes his leave along with his friend to get into his "electric". (I’m guessing that’s the guys car…did they have electric cars back then? Master Proof Reader Sean Ledden seems to believe that they did. I’ll take his word for it.)

The two friends go outside, plop into Other Guy’s car, and take off down the street. A new slide greets our eyes:

The Home Electrical

Ahh, yes. Who doesn’t enjoy a charming electric recreation from time to time, eh?

Newhouse and Other Guy, and to make things easier, I hereby dub him Mr. Electric, arrive and Mr. Electric’s house and go inside.

Well, I spoke too soon. Mr. Electric, I hereby dub the Mr. Wise.

The Home Electrical

(Insert your own joke here.)

Newhouse and the Wise’s chat for a while, and really, what’s the point when it’s a silent film?

Anyhoo, the tour of the Wise estate begins. The eager trio ascend the stairs and enter the first room.

The first item on display? Why the everyday key-driven vacuum cleaner:

The Home Electrical

Honey…have you seen the keys to the vacuum cleaner?

Sure enough, Wise inserts a key into the wall, turns it, and the vacuum cleaner comes to life. I’m assuming. There’s no sound remember.

The Home Electrical

The Vacuum Cleaner.

Another turn of the key and the colossal vacuum cleaner shuts off.

Let’s move to the next item, shall we?

Why yes, it’s Mrs. Wise’s electric sewing machine. Happy Happy Joy Joy.

The Home Electrical

Let the good times roll.

(Damn. A Labatts would taste really good about now.)

More conversation, sort of. I mean, I can’t hear a damned thing, so can’t we just get on with it? Mrs. Wise eventually sits down and sews something as Newhouse watches in amazement. (Ack.)

After a demonstration of the electric iron (don’t ask), Mrs. Wise tells her husband to show Newhouse the "bathroom outfit" while she goes downstairs.

In the bathroom Wise shows Newhouse…something. I have no idea what it is, but it is attached to a long cord so it’s either an electric shaver, a sheep shearer, or a vibrator. God knows.

Mr. Wise announces: "The electric kitchen is the pride of our household."

Boy, this is going to be fun.

More silent demonstrations of kitchen appliances; ovens, water heaters, waffle irons (?).

I’m really struggling to stick this one out, but I’m going to try and hang in there because it’s actually pretty surreal from time to time.

The Home Electrical

Mrs. Wise demonstrates her new Electrical Appliance. (Whatever the hell it is.)

After showing Mr. Newhouse a gadget with lots of spinning gears and wheels that does something to something, they go into the next room and chat with a maid who is busy ironing clothes with an electric iron. (Hey! No fair! They already showed an iron. But it’s still soooooo exciting.)

Mr. Wise takes Newhouse into his workshop to demonstrate the miracle of the soldering iron. OK, I may be freaking out here, but watching 20 seconds of erotic silent footage depicting molting solder dripping from a soldering iron is just too much to take right now.

The Home Electrical

Dear lord…please let this newsreel end…

Ahh…time to move on to the "chafing-dish luncheon".

People eat. People say things…but I can’t hear what they’re saying, so screw it.

People make toast in electric toasters. Coffee in electric coffee makers….

After lunch, Mrs. Wise tends to the baby while the men enjoy, and I kid you not, "electric lighted cigars". (!)

The Home Electrical

By the way, the electric cigar lighter is as big as a freaking telephone, so that’s just gotta be safe to have laying around the house.

Upstairs, Mrs. Wise warms up something or other with an electric something or other…and…oh screw this.

Conclusion: Pretty wierd…but would make a cool Nine Inch Nails video.

2 comments to The Home Electrical (192?)

Leave a Reply

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>