Blurbs 6

InAlienable (2008)

Blurb: Still guilt-ridden over the accident that took his family’s lives,
Eric Norris discovers that his body is host to a parasite from another world. Except, it is more than a parasite: it carries his DNA… Is this his new son or–as the government believes–a threat to mankind?

Comments: Man, he accidentally kills his family and hosts an extraterrestrial parasite? Talk about a having a bad day!

Las Vegas Abductions (2007)

Blurb: Faced with the extinction of their species, shape shifting, evil alien monsters descend on earth [sic] with the intent to mutate with humans. They choose Las Vegas as their destination, seeking to blend in with Sin City to hatch their plan. Little do they know what they will be up against when they cross paths with Cindy, a hypnotherapist. and Lucas, a mystery man. Divining their evil intent, it is up to them to turn the tide and restore balance. An exciting roller coaster ride, THE LAS VEGAS ABDUCTIONS is sure to entertain and raise questions from the audience about what really might be ‘out there.’

Comments: How do you "mutate with" something? I guess you’ll find out if you bother to watch this flick. You just gotta love a movie that pairs up a hypnotherapist and a "mystery man". Oh, and I’m quite sure several questions will be raised by the audience after seeing this one, like, "Can I get my money back?"

Illegal Aliens (2007)

Blurb: “Charlie’s Angels” goes sci-fi, with a touch of “Men In Black”. Three aliens morph into super-hot babes and arrive to protect the earth [sic] from the intergalactic forces of evil.

Comments: Once again, isn’t "Earth" supposed to be capitalized? Oh, and gee, "Charlie’s Angels" is going to be Brundle-Fly’ed with "Men In Black", I can’t wait.

Centipede (2004)

Blurb: David is about to get married and give up his adventurous lifestyle. Jake, David’s childhood chum, talks him into coming on one last caving expedition within the deep and treacherous Shankali Caverns. David and his trusty friends arrive in India and enthusiastically enlist a local guide to take them into the underground caverns.

By campfire, the Guide [why caps?] offhandedly tells of the mysterious legend of the Shankali Cavern. Intrigued, the group wakes early the following day and race to an adventurous climb. But danger lurks in the crevices close by. [I think we’ve all probably exprienced a few ‘dangerous crevices’ in our time, am I right?]

As something sinister watches form [sic] the shadows, a member of the group wanders into an expanse to find driftwood. Attacked and killed by an unseen insect, his oil lamp spills onto the sulphorous floor, instigating a tremendous explosion. As the cave walls fall in, our heroes are trapped and the giant insects start to sense their prey.

The depleted group desperately searches for a way out of a terrifying world of shadows. Descending into the crevices below, Sara hangs down from a rope and sees a pair of glistening eyes watching her from the shadows. Thinking her mind is playing tricks on her, she doesn’t tell the others.

Splitting up to cover more ground, Owen now gets separated and wanders into a large musty cave with slimy walls; it’s a larvae nest. Before he knows what’s happening, enormous hungry maggots surround him. [Man, I hate when that happens.]

Meanwhile, at the surface, local law enforcement has arrived and tries to blast open the cave-in, but the attempt fails and the chances of survival for the group are diminishing. Could a stronger frequency on the police radio tune into the group’s walkies?

At last, David sees a mysterious darkness at the distant end of the tunnel but as the group approaches the light [What? Wasn’t it a mysterious ‘darkness’?], the giant Centipede attacks their Guide and Jake is only just cut free. At the same time, David sees a giant black centipede crawling into the dampness and another is digging its way up from behind the crevice. Cutting the creatures in half, David finds that both halves have remained very much alive.

While Jack meets up with the police cavers that have come to help, David and Sara try to distract the King Centipede and this means climbing into the breeding den where each vibration leads the giant centipedes closer to them.

Comments: Good grief…that was a blurb?! Actually, I kinda want to see this.

Dangerous Worry Dolls (2008)

Blurb: Serving time in a brutal women’s detention center, Eva (Jessica Morris) makes a wish to a box of tiny South American Worry Dolls. The Dolls then possess her, turning her into a creature of vengeance intent on slaughtering those that have wronged her…

Comments: It just goes to show that anything can be ‘scary’. What next? Dangerous Worry Beads?

Insecticidal (2006)

Blurb: These girls have a new major … Survival! [Ho! Ho! Get it?]
Brilliant sorority girl Cami’s experiment in insect intelligence goes awry, leaving giant, mutant insects hunting for food in a sorority house – and the only thing to eat is beautiful sorority sisters! The insect horrors increase in size while their source of food shrinks. The girls fight a savage hit and run battle with whatever weapons they can find. But the insects have more on their super-intelligent minds than food. Beautiful Josi becomes a host for more than sorority parties when she is infected with the next generation of mutant insects! Cami and a few survivors survive the night, leaving insect carnage throughout the house. But to deal with a bug problem, you have to kill them ALL …

Comments: Sorority chicks having sex with giant bugs? Sure. Why the hell not?

Moto-cross Zombies From Hell (2007)

Blurb: Up and coming motocross racer Cody and his teammates get more than they bargained for when, during the biggest motocross race of the season, the Zombies and their un-dead manager Ivan target them for elimination of the deadliest kind. [Uh, ‘elimination of the deadliest kind’?…I’m not even going to touch that one.] It takes more than a fast
bike to win! It takes guts and a shotgun to survive! The race is on… Win or get eaten!

Comments: Zombies need a ‘manager’?!!

3 comments to Blurbs 6

Leave a Reply

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>