The Capture of Bigfoot (1979)

Written, directed, produced, and edited by Bill Rebane

Run Time: 92 minutes

Legendary schlock director Bill Rebane is up to his usual antics in our feature low-budget yeti movie, The Capture of Bigfoot. Yes, filmed in Rebane’s beloved Wisconsin, in the middle of a freezing Midwest winter, we are treated to lots of sled dogs, rednecks, Wisconsin stock footage, and some poor actor packed into a fuzzy white “Big Foot” suit running around yelling “blaaaaaaaarrrr!”. Excited yet? Me neither.

In a quirky side note, director Bill Rebane always hoped to establish Wisconsin as a thriving center for a Midwest film industry, and thus filmed almost all of his movies in local towns and used the populace for cheap extras. Although this choice of location does add a sense of grimy ‘realism’ to his films (and trust me: ‘realism’ is a word seldom heard in connection with Rebane’s works), most of the extras are far from experienced actors and tend to smile in ‘scary’ scenes, look into the camera, and so on . Rebane’s dream of establishing Wisconsin as a Hollywood for the Midwest was based on films such as Croaked: Frog Monster from Hell (1975), The Alpha Incident (1978), and one of my favorites, The Giant Spider Invasion (1975). You can judge for yourself whether or not these films helped his cause or actually did more harm than good…

(Oh, and we can never forget (nor forgive) Rebane’s involvement with Monster A-Go Go (1965)…a film so horrible that Rebane himself described it as “the worst movie ever made.” Consider that a stern warning if you ever dare to try and actually watch it.)

In addition to being a proud part of the Rebane oeuvre, this movie is also included in the world renowned Bigfoot Terror DVD collection featuring 4 crappy movies, all very loosely based on Big Foot, such as the ABSOLUTELY horrible Search for the Beast. Let the buyer beware!

Back to the action.

The movie begins with a generic folk song played over scenes of a fur-clad hunters struggling through the wilderness with dog sleds. Laden on one of the sleds is a refrigerator-sized box covered in leather skins concealing something inside. (bum! bum! bum!)

As the sun goes down the trappers take refuge for the night underneath a stand of pine trees (complete with stock-footage owls so that we know that this scene does indeed take place in the ‘woods’).

Letting the proverbial cat out of the bag pretty damned early (but not like there was any real question as to what was inside the box), Trapper 1 explains to his friend (and us) that the "critter" they’ve trapped is going to make them rich. Dreaming of said riches, Trapper 1 saunters over to the fire while the imprisoned little creature (still concealed in the box, most likely due to FX budget constraints since it costs more to actually show monsters) howls for its mother.

Now, even a city slicker like myself knows that you should never come between a mother bear and her cub, and I’m assuming this holds doubly-true for Big Foot critters (Big Feet?), yet these putative experienced trappers don’t seem to give a crap about possibly coming face-to-face with an irate Big Mama.

OK, I’m going to spare you from the intense build up of tension as the Yeti mother creeps up on the veteran hunters and kills one of them, I think it’s Trapper 1, but who the hell knows, and it really doesn’t matter. Amidst the chaos, Trapper 2 makes a run for it but is pummeled by Big Mama. However, since somebody has to make it back to town to keep the plot going, he manages to escape into the woods. During the struggle, Big Baby escapes from its cage (now magically unlocked) and flees into the darkness happily reunited with its mother.

(During the above "action" sequence, we only catch fleeting glimpses of the white Big Foot as the camera jerks back and forth and spasmodically jump cuts from scene to scene while conveying "excitement". I tried to get a screen shot of the monster at this point, but it was just too dark and blurry, I’ll try to get some better shots later. [Note From The Future: You will.]

The next day, the local yokels are shocked to see a bloodied Trapper 2 slide into town on his dogsled. (NOTE: His name is Hank! Thank you, movie!) "Take it easy with him!" somebody shouts. Agreeing that a gentle touch is in order with a seriously injured man, some guys simply pick Hank up and unceremoniously toss him into the back of a pickup truck before proceeding to the hospital.

Meanwhile, Dave Garrett, the local forest ranger, pops by to see his sweety, Karen, for a little loving, along with some perfunctory characterization and exposition. (In short, this awkward little scene exists solely to establish the fact that Karen’s little brother, Jimmy, has just received a rifle for his recent birthday (plot point!). (It’s really hard to hear what’s going on since the sole boom mic is in the living room with Garrett while Karen delivers her lines from the adjoining bathroom making it nearly impossible to hear what she says…thanks guys.)

After some off-camera loving (thank god), Dave is summoned to the police station by Sheriff Cooper. (In a lovely Rebane touch, Karen refers to Garrett as "Dave", while Cooper calls him "Steve"!) It turns out that Sheriff Cooper is convinced that Hank was mauled by something that "wasn’t human". (Wow, and to think that they haven’t made this guy a special investigator yet…)

Having masterly deduced that Hank’s claw wounds weren’t made by a human, Cooper skillfully decides that this is a case for Forest Ranger Garrett, since you know, he’s a forest ranger, and there’s lot’s of animals in the forest. I guess.

 

Karen and Dave (Steve?)

Back at the hospital, Hank, (or some other unfortunate film extra that was talked into being wrapped up in gauze for the scene), lies in bed with the requisite tubes and liquids flowing in and out of him in a very "hospital-y" manner. Before passing into a coma, Hank manages to inform his boss, Olsen, that he was mauled by a "critter". (I always thought the definition of ‘critter’ was anything that could be squashed with a shoe, not a 9-foot tall Yeti, but what do I know.)

"Was it ARAK???!!!" shouts Olsen, but Hank passes into a coma before he can respond. (At this point in the movie, I bet most viewers have passed into a coma-like state as well.) As you probably suspect, ‘Arak’ is the name of a mythical beast that supposedly lives in the woods and, well, kills trappers I guess. Anyhoo, Olsen keeps tight-lipped about the whole ‘Arak’ deal when a cop asks him if Hank said anything, so I presume Olsen is to be our Bad Guy for the duration of the film.

Back in town Jake tries to convince the good ol’ boys at the bar that the legendary beast of Arak is responsible for the attack.

Meet the scintillating cast of ‘The Capture of Bigfoot’

Naturally, people think Jake is nuts for believing a bunch of old "Indian superstitions", and who can blame them. And then…

Oh. Cut to woods.

We now see the beast attack some poor sap out in the woods. Little Jimmy hears the man’s screams and moves in to investigate, when all of a sudden…

Oh. Cut back to the bar.

(Damn! I think I’m getting whiplash!)

Like I was saying, back at the bar, Garrett convinces Jake to help him look around in the woods for any signs of dangerous animals. Jake takes the opportunity to mention that the recent attacks remind him of what happened <dramatic pause>…"25 years ago." (I think that was meant to be portentous, but since we never find out, you know, what actually happened, it’s a pretty flaccid attempt at suspense.)

Anyway, while Garrett and Jake make their plans, Boss Olsen has rounded up a couple trappers to go out and poach the beast.

"I’ll give you each ten thousand dollars," Olsen promises.

"That’s a lot of money," gasps Trapper 1.

"That’s a lot of risk!"

(Ed Wood, eat your heart out!)

 

After a bit of perfunctory haggling, our favorite pair of Big Foot hunters head out to do battle. (Can’t wait.)

Now: at this point you are either

A) intensely curious about the fascinating history of the Arak legend

or

B) asleep

For those of you in category A, the movie now jumps to a helpful Exposition Scene in which Karen explains the legend of the Arak monster while Garrett looks on and asks all the correct questions in order to move the plot along. So, yeah, yeah, the Arak was a man-sized, hairy beast that watched over the local Native American population, and, wow, this isn’t a terribly innovative story is it.

The next morning, Jake and Garrett find the Arak’s tracks in the snow. (What are the odds, eh?) A quick POV shot accompanied by scary music and heavy breathing indicates that they are being watched by the monster, who apparently has the same "Be At The Same Spot Just Where Anybody Happens To Be No Matter How Big The Woods" ability that the Snow Beast had.

After a few minutes of trudging around through snowdrift after snowdrift, and baby, you’re going to trudge right along with them, Jake and Garrett discover the frozen remains of Trapper 3 laying in the snow. (Lucky guy; he’s out of the movie.)

Meanwhile, Jimmy is off in the woods all by his lonesome lonely self when he spots the juvenile Arak scratching around in the snow. In a touching moment their gazes meet. Ok. Maybe not that touching, but anyway. The only worthwhile part of this scene is that we finally get to see the Arak in all of its glory:

If this doesn’t give you a chuckle, then, man, you’re visiting the wrong web site.

(By the way, the DVD transfer of this film is far from perfect. The colors are atrocious and almost every scene is filmed slightly out of focus and under lit, so it’s really hard to get decent screen shots. Please forgive the huge variation in brightness and hue…I don’t have much to work with here, folks.)

Meanwhile, the 2 trappers that Olsen hired, (we’ll call them Jason and Burt, since those are the only 2 names in the IMDB entry for this movie that I haven’t heard yet. Not like it matters…), are happily zipping around the wilderness on their snowmobiles. And let me tell ya, watching people snowmobile is almost as exciting as watching dogsled scenes. Almost.

After snowmobiling through the woods for a while, Jason notices some large footprints in the snow that "ain’t human". Grabbing their guns, Jason and Burt follow the unusual set of tracks into some trees where they spot the baby Arak scrounging around for berries. Being a conscientious sportsman, Burt immediately raises his rifle, shoots, and kills the monster. Mama Arak, presumably standing just off camera waiting for the director’s cue, charges out and gives chase. The ensuing scene is rendered completely incoherent through inept editing, so I’ll do my best to describe it:

• Burt can’t start his snowmobile, Jason can, and zips off without him.
• Burt starts snowmobile and zips off.
• (Insert 1 second shot of monster walking to the right)
• Burt manages to drive his snowmobile off a steep rock outcropping and crashes.
• (Insert 1 second shot of monster walking to the left)
• Jason turns his snowmobile around and picks Burt up.
• Jason crashes into a tree.
• Now Jason’s snowmobile is magically repaired, and he and Burt drive off.
• (Insert 1 second shot of monster growling and then walking to the left.)

Wow. Go ahead and catch your breath if you need to.

Back at the Sheriff’s station, Garrett describes the tracks he saw to Sheriff Cooper.

"They were human…8 inches wide and 20 inches long."

(Yep, that sounds like a human footprint to me allrightee.)

Despite the fact that Sheriff Cooper himself sent Garrett out to look around, he refuses to believe Garrett’s report: In other words, their conversation can be summed up like this:

Cooper: "I sent you out to find something. Did you find something?"

Garrett: "I found something."

Cooper: "I don’t believe you."

(So what was the freaking point of sending him out in the first place?! Stupid movie.)

We’re now informed that there is, <sigh>, a skiing contest scheduled for the following weekend. (Wow, just when you thought it was safe to forget about that lame plot device…Sound familiar?) When Garrett tells him to cancel the event because of the danger the creature presents, Cooper blows him off because he is certainly not going to rashly call off a skiing event of such magnitude just because somebody got spooked by an old Indian legend. Besides, as Cooper exclaims, "There’s going to be 250 people there!"

[Note From The Future: The skiing event provides some stock footage to eat up run time and is never mentioned again.]

Meanwhile, Olsen lounges in his office and dreams of all the money such a creature could bring in if only he could capture it. In a light-bulb moment, Olsen decides to capture the beast using, mwu-ha-ha-ha!, "…live bait!". (Olsen then breaks out in the most hammy Evil Laugh I’ve ever heard.)

Olsen’s reaction to being asked to appear in ‘The Capture of Bigfoot Part 2’

While Olsen makes preparations to capture the Arak, Garrett busies himself with researching the incident "from about 30 years ago" that Jake mentioned earlier in the film. Upon Garrett’s request, the town historian digs up some old newspaper articles discussing the disappearance of 7 men in the course of a year. (Hell, who can blame them? If I lived in this podunk town I’d probably beat feet and get the hell out too.) Anyway, Garrett hears tell of "an old Indian…" named Daniels that supposedly lived through this incident. So yes, I guess we’ll soon be meeting the required "spiritual" Native American who’s in touch with nature and blah blah blah.

We’re next forced to endure an after-ski party at the local lodge. As you should know by now, all movies made in the 70’s are required to have a "disco" scene, and this movie is no exception. As the band pounds it’s way through a tepid dance number,

You’re a sensuous tiger

Prowling alone in the night,

I reach out to pet you

And find your growl is worse than your bite!

we see some chick getting tired of the party (me too, sister, me too!), and heading outside with her boyfriend for some fresh air.

Naturally, since all monsters are instinctively attracted to award ceremonies, band performances, and dance contests (and, in fact, any other type of event that allows cheap filmmakers to film crowds without having to pay them for being extras), a POV Arak is stalking around outside just waiting for, well, somebody to come out for some fresh air so she can whack them.

Oh, and since misery loves company, I’d like to share this delightful song with you. You don’t need to thank me.

While the festivities continue at full swing, Jake escorts Garrett to his place and introduces him to the token Native American Arak expert, Daniels. With Daniels sitting in front of the fireplace (said fireplace is realized by an off-camera Klieg Light shined directly in the actors’ faces), Garrett begins to question him about the Arak and asks him…

Oh. Cut to the monster killing some kids who left the party to make out in the woods. Wow, this looks exciting! I can’t wait to see the carnage…

Oh. Cut to Jason and Burt playing pool and talking about what they’re going to do with their money. This might actually be an interesting conversation, let’s hear what they have to say.

Oh. Cut to the next morning, where Sheriff Cooper and Garrett are examining the scene of last night’s attack.

"We have to kill this thing," says Sheriff Cooper as he stares at the blood stains in the snow.

"Why…because it scares people?" says Garrett with a smug, sarcastic sneer.

Uh, not because it scares people: because it kills people, you idiot!!!

As this exciting scene tapers off without any resolution to the argument, we next see some of Olsen’s men setting up an Amazing Arak Trap 3000 © which consists of a net suspended between 4 trees at about 8-feet off the ground. Wow. That outta do the job.

Later that day, Garrett decides to try and capture the beast on his own before Sheriff Cooper and/or Olsen get their hands on it and kill it. You see, the thing must be studied, not exploited. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, at the ranger station Garrett discovers that the tranquilizer gun is gone. "Olsen came by and picked it up with a doctor’s requisition," one of the rangers informs him. (I never knew that doctors could write prescriptions for tranquilizer guns, but maybe the rules are different in Wisconsin.) Pissed off, but without anything he can do about it, Garrett swings by Jake’s place and the 2 of them set off on the dog sled in an attempt to intercept the Arak before the Bad Guys can get ahold of it.

Meanwhile, Jimmy and his Friend (NAMES, please!), have been running about and snooping around the woods for…the creature? Who knows. It’s very unclear what anybody is doing at this point. The curious boys happen to discover one of Olsen’s abandoned mines and carefully enter. (At least that much is realistic; I sure did some stupid things when I was that age as well. And no, I’m not going to get into that right now.) Once inside, Jimmy discovers a huge cage and a handwritten placard proclaiming "The 8th Wonder of the World".

Ok, I understand that discovering a real live Big Foot would be pretty sensational news, but I’m still skeptical as to the Arak’s qualifications as a bonafide"World Wonder". Hmmm, let’s take a look at what a list of the 8 World Wonders would look like if this was the case:

• Great Pyramid at Giza
• Hanging Gardens of Babylon
• Statue of Zeus at Olympia
• Temple of Atermis at Ephesus
• Mausoleum of Maussollos at Halicarnassus
• Colossus of Rhodes
• Lighthouse of Alexandria
• Big Foot of Cloud Lake, Wisconsin

Something just doesn’t sound right about that.

Anyway, back in the woods, Olsen and his thugs come across Garrett and Jake dog-sledding around looking for the creature. After a brief argument, Olsen konks Garrett on the noggin, and with the help of his gang of goons, bind Jake and the unconscious ranger to a tree. (Wouldn’t tying people up to a tree and leaving them behind in the middle of winter be tantamount to murder? If Olsen merely wanted to keep Garrett out of the way until he could find the Arak, couldn’t he just, oh, cut all the reins and harnesses on the dogs so they be forced to walk home? And even if Garrett were to find the creature first…what the hell is he going to do? He doesn’t have any way to capture it because Olsen has all the tranquilizer guns. Oh, never mind.)

Later that night (or is it the same day? I think Rebane studied at the "Plan 9 School of Chronological Continuity"…), the ever-treacherous Olsen betrays Jason and Burt and has them roped and used for bait in the Arak Trap 3000 ©. Boy, this is going to be fun.

As the camera slooooooowly pans back and forth and back and forth along the darkened tree line in order to build ‘tension’, the Arak finally arrives on cue, only to be quickly driven into the middle of the trap by a series of pre-placed roman candles (that Olsen ignites by pushing down on an old-fashioned dynamite plunger!). With a half-hearted growl, the Arak stumbles into the trap and, with a deftly aimed tranquilizer dart to the ass, the monster is quickly captured.

As Olsen gloats over his catch, Garrett and Jake perish the bitter cold. Alas, in a lovely Deus Ex Machina moment that is so common in movies like this, Arak-whisperer Daniels walks up out of nowhere and cuts them loose. While Garrett and Jake massage their hands to get the circulation back into them, Daniels tells them about the Arak’s capture. (How did he know about this very recent event? If he he saw it, how did he get from the capture site back to Jake and Garrett so damned fast?)

In a blur of exposition, Daniels explains (using Jake as an interpreter, since Daniels "only speaks Indian") that he’s the last of the Arak’s tribe, and then presents Garrett with a (hokey) Arak pendant that will allow the monster to "understand" him when he eventually confronts the creature. (Oh boy, now this is going to be fun!) For some reason, Garrett is supposed to tell the Arak that Daniels is "waiting for him", so I guess that means something to the monster because I sure as hell don’t know what he’s talking about. (And by the way, shouldn’t the message be "waiting for her"? It has been stated earlier that the monster is the mother of the little one. Not to get too nitpicky here, but hey, it’s my job.)

Meanwhile, Olsen has imprisoned his self-proclaimed "8th World Wonder" in an abandoned mine. Satisfied with the evening’s labors, Olsen leaves for the night, but not before ensuring that his priceless capture is guarded by a massive defense force consisting of a solitary redneck standing beside a bonfire.

Ain’t nobody gonna get in here nosirree no how!

On the snowy drive home, Olsen happens across poor Jake who’s walking back to town after escaping the ropes. With an evil grin, Olsen puts the pedal to the metal while Jake runs for his life down the middle of the road. (God, I hate that!) To everyone’s great surprise, Jake does not manage to outrun Olsen’s Ford V-8 pickup truck and is promptly run down and killed.

(By the way, what exactly is Olsen’s motivation to kill Jake? Olsen has the monster, so why bother going around killing people and risk being tossed in jail? It’s not like Jake or Garrett "own" the Arak, so what kind of a threat can they possibly pose now that the creature is in his possession? Sure, they could put him up on assault charges, possibly even attempted murder for abandoning them while tied to a tree, but still…)

In contrast to Jake’s unfortunate demise, Garrett survives the walk to the mine intact and quickly overpowers the lone guard (Olsen, you idiot.). After discovering the Arak laying in a cage no more than 5 feet inside the mine opening (budget constraints certainly limited how much of a "mine" could be created by the stage hands), Garrett immediately gets to work cutting open the Arak’s cage with a very convenient welding torch that just happens to be standing next to the confined creature’s cage.

Back in town, Olsen gets word that Garrett is at the mine and attempting to release the Arak from the cage, so he rounds up an armed posse (with a promise of $100 for "anybody that has a gun") and leads everybody outside so they can follow him to the mine.

OK, I’m going to put this review into high gear because I’m really sick of this movie.

Sheriff Cooper and Deputy Noname show up just in time to defuse the explosive situation brewing in the parking lot and shoosh the drunken denizens back inside the bar. Denied his posse, but not his greed, Olsen clocks Cooper on the head with the butt of his rifle and races away in a stolen police car. Deputy Noname gives chase as Cooper rubs his topknot and hops into a random convenient car with the keys in it, joining in the pursuit as well.

At the end of an uninspired car chase, Deputy Noname collides with a car pulling out from a side road. Instead of an immense collision, the impact launches his car into the air, hmmm, kind of like somebody had placed a concealed ramp there before the shot. But what the hell do I know? Anyway, the Deputy’s car lands on top of yet another car and, tada!, explodes. What’s amazing about this scene is that we clearly see the Deputy’s car land on top of a second car on the side of the highway, but when we jump cut and see the car explode, it’s sitting alone in warehouse parking lot! Wow. The amazing, teleporting, exploding cop car.

Yadda yadda, Olsen and Garrett duke it out in the mine shaft, and as usual, the bad guy ends up accidentally shooting a hole in a big barrel of gasoline that, as usual, is always standing around in the final scenes of a crappy movie like this. Olsen also manages to shoot a box of explosives (a prop which probably cost about 5 cents to make: it’s obviously a cardboard box spray-painted matte black with the letters E X P L O S I V E S glued onto the side). Oblivious to the dangers of storing explosives, gasoline, and welding torches next to each other, Olsen seems shocked when things start to explode and burn around him. And since we’re almost out of runtime, Olsen gets knocked out or something and perishes in the flames.

As the heat intensifies, the Arak knocks off the door to its cage, jumps out, and is about to give Garrett a real whooping, when it notices the goofy "Arak" necklace that Garrett is wearing around his neck. (Oh, it’s so, so moving.) Now understanding that Garrett is "good", the Arak unclenches its hairy fists and runs outside. Oh, Garrett comes to his senses just in time to avoid being blown up, and everybody manages to escape outside before the final money-shot mine shaft explosion that undoubtedly chewed up the film’s remaining special effects budget.

 

Standing outside the mineshaft, Jimmy, Garrett, and Karen (where in the hell did she come from?) exchange an awkward group hug while watching the mama Arak call to her child. The baby Arak, now magically healed from the rifle shot to the chest it received about a half hour ago, embraces its mother and…what a beautiful reunion between 2 such magnificent creatures.

The end.

Dennis Grisbeck (December 2009)

PS: I love the way the film makers could never seem to make up their minds as to what the creature was called. Take for instance the closing credits above: The mama creature is called "the legendary creature of Arak" but her kid is referred to as "Little Bigfoot". Maybe "Arak" is just another moniker for Big Foot the same way "Sasquatch" is. Wow. Good grief, am I really obsessing this much? Screw it, I’m outta here.

PPS. Nepotism alert! Little Bigfoot was played by Randolph Rebane…I’m assuming he’s a relative of director Bill Rebane since the odds of 2 unrelated people sharing that surname working on this film are just to improbable to contemplate. I can’t seem to find the exact relation, so if anybody knows, please send me an email.