The Giant Gila Monster (1959)

Written and Directed by Ray Kellogg

Tagline: "Only Hell could breed such an enormous beast. Only God could destroy it!"

Run Time: 63 min

the Lord said, laugh, children, laugh
the Lord said, laugh, children, laugh
the Lord said, laugh, children, laugh, laugh, laugh”,”The Mushroom Song”);

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You know, once I started watching this movie I suddenly remembered seeing it way, way back when as a kid. I remembered just one small scene: the one at the very end where Chase drives his nitro-laden car into the lizard’s mouth and blows it to smithereens. Oh, such wonderful childhood memories I have.

Ok, back to the movie. Director Ray Kellogg was actually a skilled effects artist before he took to the director’s chair. He created special effects for over 90 films from 1949 to 1957. For some reason he moved on to directing and helmed a handful of films including The Green Berets (1968), My Dog, Buddy (1960), and The Killer Shrews (1959). Our current film was in fact the second feature in a double-bill headlining "The Killer Shrews", both films being cheesy monster flicks based on Texas teens, monsters, and bad effects. (Although "The Killer Shrews" is definitely a better film than "The Giant Gila Monster".)

Despite the fact that this movie was directed by a former S/FX professional, the monster’s effects are truly abysmal. The titular monster never appears in any shots along with actors; not even the simplest back-projection shot is attempted. In fact, the "giant" gila lizard is simply filmed lumbering across miniature sets, or just shot with close-ups in order to take up the entire screen and appear "giant". Needless to say, the effects look exactly like what they are: a sleepy gila monster lumbering across a table-top desert landscape. Not to point any fingers, but…. effects supervisor Ralph Hammeras was also part of the technical effects crew in the legendary film featuring our favorite giant inter-stellar radioactive bird, The Giant Claw (1957)…Hats off to Ralph for finding work after that…

Furthermore, why a giant gila monster? Certainly the lizard’s name itself played a role in the choice of the film’s title. I mean, the reptile is already called a ‘Gila Monster’, so there you go: you can have ‘Monster’ in the title without having to spend an iota of energy thinking up a menacing name for a creature. Anybody familiar with gila monsters knows that they are stubby, medium sized lizards that are 1 of only 2 species of venomous lizards in the world. I actually saw one in the desert when I lived in Arizona. It was about 18-inches long and I, being a lizard/spider/insect lover, thought it was pretty damn cool. Another characteristic of these lizards is that they move rather slowly, and basically just want to be left alone: making these docile creatures far from ‘monster-like’ in their behavior. (If you want more info on these interesting lizards you can check out this site.)

To be honest, I hate it when movies portray insects/spiders/lizards and other creepie-crawlies as ‘monsters’. I mean, look at the bad name tarantulas and other spiders have gotten because of cheesy monster movies. How many innocent spiders have been squashed because people have been taught they are "gross" and "dangerous"?…sorry, I digress.

The star of the film, Don Sullivan, plays the good-hearted, ukulele-playing mechanic Chase Winstead. Sullivan appeared in a smattering of films in the 50’s and early 60’s. Don must have felt creative when they produced "The Giant Gila Monster" because he wrote and performed all the songs in the film. Was it a success? Try to find the "Giant Gila Monster" soundtrack and you’ll see what I mean.

Lame-brained and ineffectual Sheriff Jeff is played by veteran actor Fred Graham, who appeared in over 230 films during a movie career that spanned over 40 years. Graham starred mostly in Westerns but also popped up in bit parts in a few sci-fi films along the way; Canadian Mounties vs. Atomic Invaders (1953), The War of the Worlds (1953), and 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954).

If anybody cares, drunken comedy relief "Old Man Harris" is played by ‘local yokel’ character actor Shug Fisher, who made a career out of playing red-necks, drunks, and such. A quick check reveals that Shug also composed a song for a 1943 film entitled Swing Your Partner. The song was called "Shug, Shug Yodel". If that question ever pops up while you’re playing Trivial Pursuit you can thank me for finding the answer for you.

SMALL WORLD ALERT: Chase’s (inexplicably) French girlfriend Lisa, is played by Lisa Simone who’s only other film role was "Moon Girl" in the "Cat-Women of the Moon" rip-off from 1958, Missile To The Moon. Bingo!

The movie? Well, yeah, it’s bad, but it’s not horrible. I thought I would include it on the site because of the odd choice of villain and Don Sullivan’s terrible singing (especially of the creepy "The Mushroom Song"…). Plus, I like 50’s monster movies and, what the hell, it’s my site. So let’s get started.

Open with a bunch of dancing teens in a soda shop that looks to be about the size of a large walk-in closet. After Chase and his, <ahem> "French" girlfriend Lisa show up, we learn through helpful exposition that a pair of their friends have gone missing. Blah Blah. Enter "Old Man Harris", the local drunk and comedy ‘relief’. (Alcoholism and drunk driving always makes for a good laugh, eh?). Anyway, Harris has a cool car that Chase would love to buy from him. Harris refuses to make with Chase a deal via a clumsy ‘humorous’ exchange of witty retorts. The kids leave to go to the drive in, and leave a message for "Pat and Liz" to meet everybody there when they show up.

Annnnnd the movie is off and running.

62 minutes left. Hooo boy.

The next day Pat’s father has filed a missing person report with the local police. Sheriff Jeff pays a visit, and through a stiff conversation Pat’s father accuses Chase of being a bad influence on the other teens. Surprisingly, Sheriff Jeff sticks up for Chase and reminds the irate parent that Chase has been taken care of his mother and crippled sister ever since his father died on "one of your drill rigs!" (Zing!)

Yes, a giant-lizard movie complete with crippled 8-year old girl. Yee-haw! Nothing like introducing a totally necessary sub-plot to keep things moving in a 63-minute long monster movie.

The excitement continues the next day as Sheriff Jeff visits Chase at the local gas station/garage where Chase is employed as a mechanic. Mounds of pointless, meandering dialog regarding the missing teens: have they run off to get married, are they in any type of troubles, and so on and so on. Hmm, this is a monster movie, right? The scene comes to an exciting conclusion as the Sheriff warns Chase not to take part in any drag racing next weekend. <Yawn>

Oh god. The Sheriff drives out to Liz’s house and talks to her parents. Yes, the exciting investigation continues. Liz’s parents haven’t seen her and don’t reckon she’s run off to tie the knot. The Sheriff leaves.

Back at Chase’s garage, our young hero is talking to one of the local yokels and hey! What do you know?!…It’s now time to play "Plot Point Revelation"! The exciting scene where exposition fills the air and hints of future events are pounded into your skull. Chase has a bunch of nitroglycerin stored out in his shed. Gee, I wonder if that is going to play any part in this film? Let me repeat so that you can get the hint as clearly as I did: Chase has a several jars of very volatile nitroglycerin sitting in the shed behind the garage. This lovely chunk of exposition is interrupted by the telephone ringing. Chase eagerly snatches the receiver from the hook and mentions that it’s probably the Sheriff ringing, and if there’s been a crash he’s going to get a "tow job" out of it. (Hey! I didn’t write this movie!)

Oh wait. It’s one of those old phones where everybody is on the same line. So Chase listens in to learn that there has in fact been a crash. With thoughts of a "tow job" on his mind, Chase runs from the garage, jumps into his tow truck, and races out to the crash scene.

At the crash, Chase and Sheriff Jeff discuss the wreck. (Discussing skid marks is a large part of this film. Almost as large as the "knee-ups".)

SKID CHAT: "Say, did you see the skid marks out there…they go at a direct right-angle to the direction of travel," notes Chase. (Cue scary music…ohhhhhh)

WARNING SAPPY SCENE ALERT!: The Sheriff happens to look over at Chase’s car and notes that one the headlights is burned out. Why not just buy a new one, Chase? Why oh why? Well, because Chase used the money he had earmarked for a new headlight as a down payment for a new set of braces for his crippled sister Missy.

You are now free to run from the room and puke if you so desire. Don’t be ashamed.

The Sheriff nods his head in an understanding manner and suggests that Chase just take a headlight from the wrecked car. (Umm, I don’t think that’s, you know, legal…) Anyway, despite the fact that the driver is missing and there’s blood all over the inside of the car, Sheriff Jeff concludes that the injured passengers were probably picked up by a passing motorist. (?) Investigation closed. Chase grins and begins removing one of the headlights from the smashed, blood-filled wreck.

Ah, the first glimpse of the, <ahem>, giant gila monster as it slumbers underneath a model bridge. Oh boy. Let’s see:

Cut to a lone hitchhiker on the highway. A man wearing a three-pieced suit, hitchhiking along the highway in the middle of the night in BFE, Texas. Yeah, that happens a lot. (Kids, if you don’t know what "BFE" means, then ask your father.) Scary music indicates that this lone, although well dressed, hitchhiker is about to become a midnight snack.

Extreme close up shot of the lizard so it looks ‘giant’.

Cut to man, who puts on an expression of ‘fear’.

Cut to lizard.

Cut to man who screams and falls to the ground.

Wow. That was exciting.

Back at the wreck, you know, the one where the Sheriff gave Jeff permission to help himself to car parts from the wreck.

SKID CHAT: "Chase…I want to take some pictures of those skid marks…you stand by them for scale."

Pictures completed, Chase and the Sheriff head back to town but stop to investigate when they come across an abandoned suitcase standing beside the road. (The one from the Well Dressed Hitchhiker.) This scene, like many others in the film, drags on far too long as the Sheriff tries to piece together just where the suitcase came from. If I may quote myself as I screamed in frustration at all this: "Argghghghggh! Let’s get things moving here!"

Cut to next day. A drunk, drivingly wildly (as drunks are wont to do), crashes into a ditch. In an incredible coincidence, Chase Just Happens To Be Right Behind Him In His Tow Truck, and pulls him out of the rut. As Chase labors with the wreck, the drunk explains that he crashed after seeing a giant pink-and-black lizard in the road, but since he’s, you know, drunk, Chase dismisses his story as hog wash.

Since Chase is such a nice guy he lets the drunk sleep off his buzz back at the garage. Now comes Chase’s first song: "My Baby, She Rocks", which he sings as he pounds on a bent fender with a hammer. "Swam Lake", this is not. The drunk grabs his head in pain in perfect mimicry of myself. If you really want to, you can read the fully lyrics at the end of this review. For a fun experiment, take a hammer, bang it on a large piece of metal, and sing the lyrics, making up a melody as you go along. Sounds good, eh?

Why, whaddayouknow? The drunk is none other than Steam Roller Smith, "The Disk Jockey!" (The actor who plays Smith was real-life DJ Ken Knox from a local Texas radio station. A little shameless self-promotion never hurt anybody, eh?)

Time out: Where is the freakin’ lizard!? Could we kind of move things along here? Pretty please?

Sigh. Later Sheriff Jeff stops in to enlist Chase’s help in searching for the missing teens. (Yes. The missing teens from SCENE 1! Argghghg!) Oh great, time for some more SKID CHAT:

"You remember how those skid marks went at right angles to the direction the car was traveling…"

Why, yes, Sheriff. I do. Because you bring them up every freaking scene!

It turns out headquarters (?) doesn’t believe the Sheriff.

"Didn’t you send them that picture?" Chase asks.

"I’m not the world’s greatest photographer…you can’t see the skid marks on the blacktop…"

Blah blah. The investigation cont…<yawn>, sorry…continues until the Sheriff drives off to…do something. (Chase in the meantime, is busy taking the tires from the wrecked car and putting them on his own car!! You know, I just don’t think that’s allowed…oh well.)

Good to his word, Chase has rounded up a couple friends and is busy searching "the area" around town. Upon reaching a particularly desolate area, Chase and Lisa hop out of their car and head off on foot to explore a ravine while their friends continue on in their car. A few shots of the lizard ‘stalking’ the teens acts as sort of a fake scare…sort of. I guess.

Once again, the fact that the lizard and the actors are never shown in the same shot makes the gila monster appear to be in an entirely different movie; which in fact it is. Cutting back and forth between the lizard and the actors just doesn’t cut it, no matter how ‘scary’ the music is. (Let that be a hint to all aspiring film makers.)

Anyway, to make a long scene short, the missing teen’s car is found, and Chase and Lisa unwittingly escape the giant monster which was quietly stalking them. (I guess. It’s impossible to tell the spatial relationship between the actors and the lizard.) Now comes the exciting "Pulling The Car From A Ravine" scene. (Hint: Beer break.)

Scary music and intercut shots of the lizard crawling around while the car is being pulled out of the ravine is supposed to lend an air of immediacy to the proceedings but fails miserably.

Oh gee. Cut to a large fuel tanker truck trundling along down a lonely road. Hmmmm. A quick shot of a gila monster sticking its tongue out is enough to cause the driver to raise his hands to his face and yell, "Ahhhh!" with about as much enthusiasm as could be mustered by an actor trying to act afraid of a non-existent menace. For some reason, merely letting go of the steering wheel causes the truck to turn into a model, tip onto its side, and burst into flames.

Chase returns home that night (presumably after stealing parts from wrecked cars…) and watches as his sister Missy, complete with a new set of leg braces, tries her damnedest to demonstrate how well she can walk. Well, the little tyke falls a couple of times and gets frustrated. Never fear, Chase picks up his ukulele (!!!) and sings her "The Mushroom Song". (See complete, creepy lyrics at the bottom of this review.)

Yes, I’m watching a movie called "The Giant Gila Monster" and all I’m seeing is a ukulele playing mechanic plucking away at "The Mushroom Song" while his crippled sister looks on from the sofa. Yessirree.

WARNING: This song sucks and it WILL STICK IN YOUR HEAD AND HAUNT YOU!

Well, this heart-breaking scene is interrupted by the phone ringing. Yes, the fuel truck wreckage has been found. Chase, Sheriff Jeff, and the hilariously alcoholic Old Man Harris head out to take a look. The driver is missing, and dad-gummit, they just can’t figure it out. Oh no! Please, not again…no more SKID CHAT…Sheriff Jeff is gonna do it…oh no, please don’t bring up that topic again, please…Sheriff Jeff looks at Chase and asks,

"Did you notice those skid marks?"

AYEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Cut to Old Man Harris driving down a lonely road. He spots a train cruising alongside the road, guns his car, and zips across a railroad crossing just a few feet in front of the speeding train. (Needless to say, the type of locomotive pulling the train changes from shot to shot. In fact, I saw at least 3 different types of trains right after each other. Nice job, guys.) Unfortunately for the crew aboard the train, the gila monster has knocked out a bridge a little further down the line. Harris can only watch in horror as the speeding locomotive turns into a model train and hurtles off a toy bridge into a table-top ravine complete with a sleepy gila monster at the bottom. (In a hilarious shot, you can plainly, repeat, plainly see the director’s arm in Harris’s windshield as he points to where Harris should look. Ahhh, my day is complete.)

Later that night, or maybe it’s the next day, very unclear at this point, Chase and the Sheriff get down to brass tacks. You see, Sheriff Jeff has been talking to a zoologist about the possibility of a giant gila monster causing all the trouble. (How in the hell Sheriff Jeff came to that conclusion based on the scant evidence is beyond me, and probably beyond the script writers too.) The Sheriff informs Chase that the zoologist thinks a change in diet might throw the lizard’s glands "out of whack" and cause it to grow to enormous size. ("Out of whack" ? I should think so!) After some more nonsense we learn that "salts" may have "washed down the river delta" and become absorbed by the plants. The lizard eats the plants and voila: you have a giant monster movie.

Now, the theory of a change in diet causing a lizard to grow to the size of a house is a tad bit hard to swallow, but this is a 50’s monster flick, so I guess we have to shut up and take our medicine. At least there’s no mention of radiation.

Anyhoo, the Sheriff tells Chase to keep all this under his hat and not to mention to anybody that there is a bus-sized monster lizard running around eating everybody.

"Try and forget for now and try to have some fun," Sheriff Jeff says with a kindly pat on Chase’s shoulder. Chase nods and heads off to the big dance being held that very night at a local barn.

Hmmm….barn full of teens…giant monster lizard…

Well, wadda you know, ole Steamroller Smith, "The King of the DJs", makes a surprise appearance at the party and gets things started with some good-ole bee-bop dance music.

Ooooooo boooyyyy this is draaaaggggginnggggg

A long, boring scene where Steamroller Smith plays a song by a new ‘mystery’ singer. The crowd goes wild for the song, but can’t seem to figure out who the singer is. Well, let me take a shot in the dark:

It’s Chase! It’s Chase! It’s Chase! Let’s get moving here! I’m not getting any younger!

Oh God! No! Chase picks up a ukulele (!) that just happened to be sitting by the microphone (!!) and starts to play for the enthusiastic teens. NO! NO! NO! It’s "The Mushroom Song" again!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!

OK, well at least the monster has arrived outside the barn and is about to raise some living hell. Chase’s rendition of "The Mushroom Song" is (mercifully) interrupted by the monster smashing through the side of the barn and peeking around a bit.

Teens scream and run outside. The gila monster smashes up the model barn. Pretty standard stuff here. Blah. Sheriff Jeff chases the monster off with some well placed rifle shots. Meanwhile Chase has a light-bulb moment and rushes home (along with Lisa) to collect the jars of nitroglycerin (each jar is labeled simply with "XXX" , whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean…) that he has stored behind the gas station.

Chase drives around for awhile and spots the trail of destruction left behind by the gila monster. (This destruction comprises mostly of a knocked over tree and a ruined fence.) "They usually travel in a straight line!" says mechanic-cum-gila monster expert Chase. His heart leaps in his throat when he notes that the house where Missy was staying at (don’t ask, she spent the night at her friends house…I think) has been destroyed by the monster. Alas, Missy is nowhere to be found. Well, I take that back. Chase decides to cut across a bumpy field (with a gallon of nitro bouncing around in the front seat) and sees Missy laying helpless in the middle of nowhere. (Umm…What the hell is she doing out there? My head hurts.)

Lisa jumps out to protect Missy as Chase directs the car directly at the lizard. Jumping out at the last moment, Chase watches with relief as the car smacks the gila monster in the nose and explodes, thus blowing the lizard into smithereens.

Tie up loose ends, everybody smiles, cut to burning gila monster, fade to black.

The End

Dennis Grisbeck (Jan 2006)

I wanted to point out something pretty funny that occurs throughout the movie: Everybody is always pretty their damn feet up and leaning on their knees. I was going to do a picture series of all the various "knee-ups" in the film, but thankfully the MST3K version had already done so. Therefore I’m going to ever-so-humbly borrow their screen shots purely to save myself the time of taking the shots myself. So, here you go: (screen shots courtesy of Joel and the Bots):

Full lyrics to "My Baby, She Rocks"

My baby she rocks, and rolls
and rocks whenever she walks
my baby she rocks, and rolls
and rocks whenever she talks

My baby’s a rock-n-rollin’ tippy-toein
Never knowin’ always glowin’ baby

My baby she swings, and sings
And swings whenever I bring her things
She swings, and sings
And swings for little diamond rings

Swing and ring and bells’ll ring
And happy flingin’ pleasure bringin’ baby

My baby she rocks, and rolls
My baby she rocks whenever she walks
My baby she swings, and sings
Swings whenever I bring her things
And rock-n-rollin’ tippy toein’
Never knowin’ always glowin’
Swing and sing and bells’ll ring
And happy flingin’ pleasure bringin’ baby….

Full lyrics to "The Mushroom Song" (AKA: "Laugh, Children, Laugh")

There was a mushroom, a sad little mushroom
And there was meadow, ready to cry
And there was a sparrow, a gray little sparrow
And there was an eagle, silent and high

And the Lord said, laugh, children, laugh
The Lord said, laugh, children, laugh
The Lord said, laugh, children, laugh
The Lord said, laugh, children, laugh, laugh, laugh

And the lord he said I created for you
A world of joy from out of the blue
And all that is left to complete the joy–
Just the laugh of a girl and boy

And there was a garden, a beautiful garden
Held in the arms of a world without joy
Then there was laughter, wonderful laughter
For he created, a girl and a boy

And the Lord said, laugh, children, laugh
The Lord said, laugh, children, laugh
The Lord said, laugh, children, laugh
The Lord said, laugh, children, laugh, laugh, laugh

The Lord said, laugh, children, laugh
The Lord said, laugh, children, laugh
The Lord said, laugh, children, laugh
The Lord said, laugh, laugh, laugh