Warrior of the Lost World (1985)

Warrior of the Lost World

Written and Directed by David Worth

Tagline: “In another time… in a world ruled by tyranny and violence… only one man can stop the nightmare”

Run Time: 92 min

Other Titles: “Mad Rider”

“Very bad mothers! Very bad mothers! Very bad mothers!”
– Supersonic Speed Cycle

I guess it’s about time we did a nice little Italian ‘Mad Max’ rip off. Writer/Director David Worth (Kickboxer (1989), Shark Attack 2 (2001), and Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002), among others) coughs up this lazy story revolving around a lone ‘warrior’ in a post-apocalyptic wasteland forced to fight a tyrannical regime called the Omega. The parallels between this movie and the Mad Max films are so shamefully thinly veiled that it makes you wonder how these people could sleep at night. (Director David Worth was reportedly hired, shipped to Italy, and told to start filming the movie before he even had a script. The producers gave him a poster for the film to use as inspiration until a script was ready. Ouch!)

It’s really quite simple to see the technique used to create the script for this move. Take the script to Mad Max and replace the following:

"Mad Max" with "The Rider "

"Mad Max’s Fast Car" with "Supersonic Speed Cycle"

"Apocalyptic Society" with "The Omega"

"Good Movie" with "Bad Movie"

Toss in a huge dump truck called "Mega Weapon" and viola: you have ‘Warrior of the Lost World’.

Let’s see, oh yes, sorry about some of the crappy screen shots. Video quality wasn’t the best this time around.

The Cast:

Robert Ginty The Rider (Robert Ginty)

The hero, credited as ‘The Rider’, is played by pseudo-well known actor Robert Ginty (aka "The Paper Chase Guy"). Ginty’s tepid portrayal of the lead ‘Warrior’ is enough to have you cringing with embarrassment pretty quickly. Our so called ‘hero’ vacillates from wimp to loathsome, selfish bastard with a blink of an eye. Ginty does his best to play the apocalypse-hardened tough guy…but believe me, Mel Gibson would kick his ass any day.

Persis Khambatt Nastasia (Persis Khambatta)

The Rider’s main squeeze, Nastasia, is played by "Bald Headed Woman, Lt. Ilia, from The First Star Trek Movie", Persis Khambatta. (Persis was a former Miss India who, sadly, died of a heart attack in 1988 at the age of 47.) Persis also appeared as Barry Bostwick’s love interest in another legendary terrible motorcycle flick: Megaforce (1982). Ahhh, chicks and motorcycles, eh?

Donald Pleasance Prossor (Donald Pleasance)

Omega’s evil leader, Prossor, is played by the ubiquitous Donald Pleasance who seems to sleep-walk through his role. But to be fair, the role of Prossor doesn’t require much more than that.

Fred Williamson Henchman (Fred Williamson)

Former Oakland Raiders, Italian schlock-film regular (Bronx Warriors (1982) et.al.), and Blaxploitation icon Fred Williamson (That Man Bolt (1973), Black Caesar (1973), Mean Johnny Barrows (1976), to name a few) also makes an appearance in this film as one of the rebel leaders. (Credited as ‘Henchman’, he is referred to as "Captain" in the film…not a good sign.)

Supersonic Speed Cycle Supersonic Speed Cycle

Since the film was made the year after Knight Rider became popular, the Rider’s motorcycle, referred to in the film as the "Supersonic Speed Cycle", is intelligent and can speak: albeit with a ‘valley girl’ voice and flashing display. Just to make sure you "get" what the motorcycle says, it repeats everything 3 times, quickly making the damn thing pretty freakin’ irritating. Despite SSC’s vast array of front-and-rear mounted machine guns, smoke generators, and rocket boosters, SSC still manages to get crushed by a big dump truck called Mega Weapon.

Mega Weapon Mega Weapon

Mega Weapon succeeds in crushing Supersonic Speed Cycle which makes it my hero, and thus deserving of its own credit box in this review. God bless you, Mega Weapon…R.I.P.

Our movie begins with the Rider zooming down a long, empty stretch of post-apocalyptic highway, which is amazingly well maintained given that the entire world has been destroyed. It looks oddly like a modern stretch of two-lane highway, but I’m willing to suspend my disbelief if you are. Deal?

Warrior of the Lost WorldMy dislike for this film begins right off the bat when the Rider mumbles good-morning to SSC, resulting in the on-board computer responding "beep-beep-bop a loola" in its idiotic valley-girl voice. (Oh, believe me gentle reader, you will come to hate that bike before the end of this movie.) Anyway, the Rider and SSC cruise past an Omega patrol car which looks remarkably similar to a beat up car, spray-painted black, with two blue "police" lights mounted to the roof. The grill is festooned with 2-foot long spikes (!), and the driver is dressed in black leather complete with black motorcycle helmet. (Well, at least the evil Omega totalitarians are concerned about driver safety.) Needless to say, the Omega patrol gives pursuit. Why we hear squealing tires as the patrol car pulls out of a dirt road is beyond me. Must be something to do with the apocalypse.

A pair of evil Omega motorcycles join the pursuit as the dispatcher orders them to "overtake and terminate" the Rider. (Seeing as the only crime the Rider committed was speeding, I think the Omega is being a bit heavy handed. On second thought, if you’ve ever been caught speeding in Wisconsin, this film isn’t that far from reality after all.)

SSC confirms that they’re being pursued by "bad mothers…bad mothers…bad mothers". A quick glimpse behind him, and the Rider realizes that he’s in hot water. The Rider pushes a couple buttons on the SSC’s massive control panel, mumbles "sub-sonic", and the Supersonic Speed Cycle blasts off at a gazillion-miles-an-hour, leaving the pursuers behind. (And yes, I know that "sub-sonic" means "below the speed of sound", but I don’t know if the film makers knew, or even cared. I’ve rewound this scene many times to make sure I heard it correctly, and I’m quite sure he’s in fact saying "sub-sonic" when he obviously meant "super-sonic". Lovely.) Not to be outdone, the Omega cyclists push some buttons on their motorcycles and, according to their read out screens mounted on the dash, they rush off at "ultimate velocity".

Well, the bad guys quickly catch up and start firing their front-mounted machine guns at the Rider. (Of course, every single bullet misses him.) If you look in the background of the shot, you can see that the patrol car is a mere 100 feet behind the cycles, so I guess it used some sort of "ultimate velocity" boost in order to catch up as well. (So why didn’t the patrol car’s driver just use it in the first place and ram the Rider off the road before he went sub-sonic, er, super-sonic? Ack. Stupid movie.)

Warrior of the Lost WorldOh, and yes, I know how idiotic and impractical it would be to mount any type of projectile weapon on the front of a motorcycle. In a nutshell, the gun would have to be aimed by steering the motorcycle directly at the target, which would of course be nearly impossible to maintain any type of accurate aim if the target so much as moved an inch. It’s so absurd, yet so often repeated in these crappy "apocalyptic" motorcycle movies…why? Because it’s cool!

Alas, the Rider takes a bullet to the shoulder from sheer random chance rather than any type of actual "aiming" on the part of the Omega. The Rider responds by pressing a red button ("bite me…bite me…bite me", SSC chimes) which results in one of his rear-mounted canons firing a blast and blowing up an Omega rider. (A rear-mounted gun on a motorcycle? Yeah, boy, that’s gotta be accurate!)

For some reason, probably just to end this ridiculous chase scene, the other Omega rider slams on his brakes causing the patrol car to ram smash into him. The patrol car then careens out of control, plunges off a cliff (that was not there a second ago!), and explodes in a massive fireball after falling about 10 feet over the side. The Rider takes off his helmet to reveal that in fact, it is ‘the Paper Chase guy’. Satisfied that he’s free to continue on his way, the Rider re-dons his helmet and hits the road again. (Where exactly is he headed? What does the Rider, you know, do?)

Warrior of the Lost WorldOh dear, a few more miles up the road is an Omega roadblock, which looks liked it’s manned by a bunch of extras from a Devo video. Apparently the goofballs at the road block haven’t received the "terminate" orders for they simply stand there in silence as the Rider comes to a halt and surveys the scene. Realizing that the only way out of this jam is to go "airborne", the Rider punches a button which causes a lot of fire-extinguisher smoke to pour from the rear of his bike. (I guess this is the exhaust from some sort of rocket booster…who knows.) As the Omega cadre merely looks on, instead of, er, actually firing their weapons, the stuntman doubling as the Rider jumps the motorcycle over a fence about, oh, 2-feet high. Wow. The back-wheel came a good 10 inches off the ground on that one. Wow! "Airborne" indeed! To add to the ‘excitement’, the Devo extras open fire with their machine guns resulting in a barrage of about 15-billion bullets and no hits. Go Rider! Go!

Warrior of the Lost WorldKeeping with the current theme of "A Whole Lot of Nothing", the Rider continues down the, <ahem>, "Golden State Freeway", through the chaos and rubble of the fallen civilization. Please try not to notice that the "Freeway" is merely a dirt road through a modern-day junk yard. (This movie is just incredible! I mean, how lazy can you get!?) Oh yeah, and the last I remember, the sign over the ‘Golden State Freeway’ was more than 8-feet over the road and wasn’t made of plywood affixed to a pair of 2-by-4’s. (Hilariously, the illusion of a "freeway" was attempted by spray-painting white stripes down the middle of the dirt road! Incredible!)

Unfortunately for the Rider, the <ahem>, ‘ruins’, are inhibited by a pack of post-apocalyptic punks. Dressed in neon, pastel, and checkered-"Vans" right out of a "20 Things I Hate About the 80’s" video, the surprisingly well-fed, well-armed, and well-groomed ‘survivors’ attack the Rider with a barrage of crossbow bolts and rusty auto parts. (Oh…the horror of the Apocalypse!) After a few seconds, the Rider gets shot in the leg with a crossbow and he zooms off in pain. Why he didn’t just zoom off in the first place is not explained.

The punks give chase and the Rider turns in his seat to return fire with his pistol. How does he steer the motorcycle? Why with ‘auto-pilot’ of course! For some reason (which we will soon discover), the motorcycle steers itself directly into a cliff wall (where did that come from?!), and seemingly explodes into a million bits.

Hmmm, could this be the end of the film? Ha! No such luck!

Cut to a foggy, white ‘chamber’ where the unconscious Rider is laying on a table clothed only in a towel around his waist. (I really didn’t need to see this.) Spacey new-age music plays on the soundtrack as we notice the room is also occupied by white-robed ‘priests’ or whatever the hell they are. (If you look closely, you can see that the ‘room’ is created by hanging large sheets of plastic from the ceiling and placing Kleig lamps behind them. How much you want to bet that this set is actually the parking garage used later as the Omega ‘headquarters’?) One of the priests is standing next to Fred Williamson (credited merely as "Henchman")…I’m happy to say that Fred is adorned in military style khakis instead of a white toga like the others. (Freddie don’t play that!)

Warrior of the Lost WorldA high priest manages to heal the Rider’s wounds via some sort of supernatural power. This ‘power’ consists of hiding a flashlight up the sleeve of his robe in an effort to make it seem that the ‘healing light’ is emanating from his hand and not say, from a flashlight hidden up his sleeve.

The silliness continues as the Priest heals all the wounds, one by one, giving the viewer ample time to gaze upon Robert Ginty’s hairy chest. More than ample time if that’s your ‘thing’. This is a good time to grab another brew, to be honest.

We cut to outside the magic room and see that the Rider is completely healed. Anyway, he’s putting the final fixes on SSC so he can skedaddle out of there at the first opportunity. One of the high priests tries to convince the Rider to stay on and help them fight the Omega. The Rider, however, doesn’t see that as any of his business. (Boy, this all reminds me of another 1980’s post-apocalyptic movie featuring a leather-clad tough guy, lots of motorcycles and cars, and a group of friendly rebels pleading for help…man, what was the name of that movie again…hmmmm.)

Oh yes, I see now. The priest explains that the Rider has been "chosen" to help them, and that’s why he was able to "penetrate the secret Wall of Illusion" with his motorcycle. (He’s referring to the earlier scene where the SSC steered straight into the cliff wall and ‘exploded’. Obviously, SSC couldn’t ‘see’ the illusionary wall and simply detected that there was a tunnel behind it. Why there was an explosion when they passed through the illusionary wall is beyond me. As far as being "chosen", I would say it was pure chance that the Rider managed to blindly crash his way through the wall.)

Now ‘the Henchman’, (Whom I will now call Fred for the duration of this review) tries to convince the Rider to help their cause. It turns out, through Fred’s camel-choking wad of exposition (and a couple of blown lines), that Nastasia’s (Persis Khambatta) father, a one Professor McWayne, has been captured and sentenced to death by the Omega Congress. (Why? Who knows…) Apparently, Professor McWayne is a key figure in the rebels "New Way" movement. (Wow, the "New Way", how inventive.) If he’s executed, well, the New Way will be "permanently damaged".

Warrior of the Lost WorldThe Rider refuses to give into the priest’s pleadings, but fails to notice that Nastasia has walked up behind him with her pistol drawn. ("What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" says the Rider upon first seeing her. I kid you not. Scream if you want to.) Taking a more aggressive approach, Nastasia tells the Rider that he has to help her rescue her father or…well, she fires her pistol in the air to get her point across. The Rider agrees to help…"for now".

"Tubular!" SSC adds. (Scream and bang your head on the wall if you want to.)

In order to get around such technical details as ‘just how in the hell will the Rider and Nastasia get into the City without being spotted’, Nastasia simply guides him through a Secret Cave that leads directly into the city. How wonderfully convenient. Dressed as "workers" in white, one-piece jump suits, the brave duo make their way through the "treacherous" caverns. (For some reason, Ginty uses a really, really whiny tone in his voice as he asks Nastasia questions like "Why are we wearing these clothes?", "Why are we going alone?" Truly, it’s embarrassing. It also makes me wonder why the Rider wouldn’t have asked these questions before. Are we to believe that Nastasia told him to take off his leather outfit, dress up in a white jump suit, grab a torch, and follow her into a dark cave…and he didn’t ask why until now?)

Blah blah blah. The cave is populated by squeaking (!) tarantulas. Well, they never show more than 2 or 3 in any one shot, so I assume that’s all the producers could get their hands on. To make things even more ‘creepy’, there’s a quick shot of a rather confused looking boa.

After surviving the "treacherous" caverns filled with 2 tarantulas and 1 snake, Nastasia and the Rider finally reach "the City". Via a secret panel (oh brother), they emerge in "Club Utopia", a type of night club that the Omega uses to pacify the populace: Imagine a mix between the Karova Milk Bar from A Clockwork Orange and a Cure video.

As they make their way down onto the main floor of the club, Nastasia warns the Rider "not to show any emotion" or else the others will realize that they are intruders. (I will say that Ginty perfectly portrays "no emotion" in this scene. In fact, throughout the entire film.) Cue a luke-warm live-sex show (implied of course) performed by leather-wearing ‘performers’. (I never thought a live sex-show could be boring, but Warrior of the Lost World manages it.)

After the seemingly never-ending Club Utopia scene, Nastasia and the Rider make their way out of the club and into the City proper via long, moving walkways. (This scene was undoubtedly filmed late at night in an airport somewhere.) Loudspeakers spew out 1984-esque propaganda, armed Omega soldiers stand on guard at nearly every corner. Boy, the future is hell, I tell ya.

Warrior of the Lost WorldOk, moving right along, sort of. Nastasia guides the Rider through the City towards the Omega HQ where she suspects her father is being held. (One shot shows them walking through what looks like a dairy or brewery!) Nastasia eventually pulls out a computer key-pad doohickey and remarks, "We discovered a weak link that enables us to tap into the computer systems." (Hmmm. They found a link to the Omega mainframe in the brewery?) Nastasia punches a few keys which spell out "Verify Location McWayne" on her hand-held LED readout.

Well, our brave hero decides he’s way in over his head and tells Nastasia he’s just gonna leave. (What a moron! This guy is the hero?) When Nastasia reads a confirmation that her father is scheduled for execution the next day, she reminds the Rider that he did in fact promise to help, so the Rider reluctantly agrees to continue on. What a wimp. I hate this guy.

Warrior of the Lost WorldCut to a couple of Omega guards escorting somebody…somewhere. I would think that if guards are to escort prisoners somewhere they might want to stand behind the captives…not in front. Sheesh. But what do I know. Oh yeah, now I’m completely convinced that Omega HQ was filmed in a parking garage.

An exterior establishing shot shows a community college campus, oops, I mean the "City". The City is seemingly full of guards and devoid of workers. Who pays the Devo-like guards? Why are there 300 Omega guards per each worker? I mean, there are guards everywhere: 5 or 6 on each rooftop, rows of them marching up and down the empty streets, one posted every 50 feet inside the buildings. Hell, there are even a trio of guards atop a 200-foot high set of smoke stacks! What the hell kind of society could support that kind of civil-servant / private-sector ratio?

OK, I’m shutting up now.

Nastasia and the Rider (boy I hate typing that, how about "N and R" from now on) have slipped into a column of subjugated workers and are trudging along…somewhere…escorted, yes, buy a group of guards. Oh I see. They are marching out to witness Dr. McWayne’s execution. Boy, it’s a good thing N and R fell into the exact group of 6 workers that were selected from the entire City’s population to witness this event. It would have been sad if they’d accidentally chosen the group of workers being marched off to, say, scrub the Omega toilets.

Warrior of the Lost WorldJust as the guards are about to shoot the prisoners, the Rider punches an inattentive watchman, grabs his (obviously plastic) gun, and starts firing away. Nastasia also ends up with a rifle, as does her father, McWayne. In a completely preposterous ‘shoot-out’ sequence, the trio manage to elude every single bullet fired from the, oh, seventy-gazillion guards arrayed around the execution site. Needless to say, the guards are mowed down like straw from McWayne, and N and R’s return fire. To add to the ludicrousness, the Rider even picks off each of the 3 guards perched on the smoke stacks with a single shot to each man. (The force of the bullets is enough to transform the guards into dummies as they topple lifeless from the top of the stacks.) This is truly one of the most asinine ‘shoot-outs’ I’ve ever seen.

After running through "the City" for a while, the stumble upon an Omega helicopter which, of course, is fueled up and ready to fly. The Rider hops into the pilot’s seat and fires up the machine, natch. McWayne jumps in the back seat, but Nastasia, shot in the leg, stumbles to the ground a mere 2 feet from the chopper. Instead of, well, jumping out and lifting Nastasia into the waiting bird, the Rider simply takes of and leaves her to her fate in the hands of the Omega. (Once again, this guy is the freaking hero? The Rider defends his decision by telling McWayne that the deal was to get him out, not Nastasia. What a cool guy.)

Warrior of the Lost WorldIn a not-so-suspenseful scene, an Omega helicopter gives chase. As expected, McWayne picks up some sort of rocket-launcher from the back seat and fires at the pursuing chopper, which immediately turns into a plastic model of a helicopter and explodes.

Back at Omega HQ, the Omega leader, Prossor (Donald Pleasance), chews the scenery in typical totalitarian style: McWayne was a threat to the modern order, blah blah blah. Prossor is going to "destroy" Nastasia as a way of getting back at McWayne. Well, OK. Let’s just move this along then, shall we. Prossor orders Nastasia to be taken to the "Assembly Line." I have no idea what the hell that is, but Nastasia starts to scream as she ‘s carried off, so I guess it’s a "Bad Thing": this movie just really doesn’t do the viewer any favors when it comes to giving out information.

Surprise: Cut to another ridiculous scene. McWayne has taken the Rider out to some sort of ‘wasteland’ (read: quarry) where a group of ‘savages’ are having what looks like a battle-royale in order to establish who’s boss. (Is this a weekly thing? Bi-annually? Once again, it appears that our hero has some impeccable timing. Then again, it’s really not clear what the hell these miscreants are doing slugging it out in the middle of nowhere.)

Warrior of the Lost WorldSome terribly choreographed and way, way over-foleyed fighting ensues. And yes, being an Italian schlock-film, there is a midget involved (whom the Rider tosses through the air on top of one of the other combatants. Talk about ‘class’!) Before it’s all over, the Rider beats up a woman, a midget, and a couple of ‘Flock of Seagull’-esque kung-foo loonies before emerging victorious from the melee. Anyway, the whole point to this nonsense is so the Rider can prove he’s the toughest of the lot, thus he can lead the savages as some sort of rag-tag rebel army and overthrow the Omega. (Imagine organizing a group of circus freaks into an army in order to overthrow the Third Reich. Well, that’s pretty much what’s he’s attempting, even though comparing the Omega’s military capabilities to the Wehrmacht war machine might be stretching it a bit.)

OK, over to the "Assembly Line". Nastasia is strapped to a lighted table while she does her best to look look shes in agony. Prossor taps a few buttons on a remote control and Nastasia’s mind is zapped. "You will be attached to a machine…which will draw it’s energy from your body," Prossor notes, "You will be a slave…on the Assembly Line." (I would think that the machine would be the slave since it’s dependant on Nastasia, not the other way around, but anyhoo…)

Warrior of the Lost WorldIn another rip-off, I mean ‘homage‘, to Mad Max, the Rider has organized the rebels and formed a convoy of vehicles. With the Rider leading the way on his Super Sonic Cycle and Fred and McWayne in the stolen helicopter, the convoy races down an empty highway towards the Omega-controlled ‘City’. (Hilariously, one of the rebels has a cardboard Tommy gun while another is decked out as a German WW2 soldier complete with MP-40 sub-machine gun. What the…?)

The rebels quickly breach an Omega roadblock by ramming their massive truck through the obstructing patrol cars as the idiot Omega soldiers duck for cover. (Oh, yes, and the Rider performs another pseudo-jump over the cars for our entertainment.) This is really exciting stuff here. Oh great, the convoy catches up with more Omega dudes and a motorized shoot-out ensues. Since the rebels also have a stolen Omega patrol car in their ranks, it’s impossible to tell who is shooting at who. To be honest, I don’t really give a damn either. (As Joel from MST3K said in their hilarious riffing of this film: "This isn’t ‘Mad Max’…it’s Sad Max!") The whole sequence is muddled, inconsistent, and utterly dull. I won’t go into all the details and continuity errors because I simply don’t have the energy.

Meanwhile, back in the "City", a pair of rebels have donned white jump-suits and blended into the general worker population. (Hint to Prossor and the Omega: Require people to wear ID Cards, you idiots!) Oh joy. Another gang of rebels have managed to sneak into the city via some other Super Secret Route. Way to go, Omega! (Incredibly, the "Kung-Fu Loonies" have decided to assault the Omega stronghold barefooted, shirtless, and still wearing their black belts! Way to blend in!)

Warrior of the Lost WorldUnfortunately for the mechanized rebels, they come across the Omega’s mightiest threat: Mega Weapon! (Yes, that’s what it’s referred to in the movie. I could never make up a name so stupid.) How to describe Mega Weapon…take a huge dump truck and paint it black. Attach some cardboard spikes and a flame thrower onto the front hood. Voila: Mega Weapon. (Oh, and make sure the flame thrower’s range is no more than 3-feet. They didn’t want to actually ‘hurt’ anybody, ya know.)

The Rider’s cycle notes that it would take "40 Megatons" to destroy Mega Weapon. (What the…?! Forty megatons?! This movie is no longer stupid…it’s just plain preposterous!) Thankfully, SSC knows of a "Computer Terminal Under" the giant truck where the Rider can stick a hand grenade and blow it up, which seems like a reasonable alternative to the whole "40 Megatons" method. (Then again, couldn’t they just drive around Mega Weapon? The thing moves at about 3 miles per hour!)

Warrior of the Lost WorldOkay. The Rider guns SSC forward at full speed directly at Mega Weapon and slide-crashes under the behemoth truck. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), Super Sonic Cycle is slowly crushed under Mega Weapon’s massive tires. (To add to my enjoyment of this scene, SSC even cries out in pain as it’s crushed…oh yes! Suffer, you obnoxious bastard, suffer!)

Alas, bad news for us Mega Weapon fans: The Rider manages to shove a grenade in the aforementioned "computer terminal" under the truck and Mega Weapon explodes in a massive fireball. With his bike crushed, the Rider frantically orders a couple of the rebels to collect the remains of SSC as he hops into the helicopter. Onward to Omega HQ!!!

Anyhoo, back in the "City", a couple of rebel chicks have infiltrated the vast, complex, and air-tight Omega security apparatus by merely donning a pair of white jump suits. Furthermore, they’ve smuggled in a couple of machine guns and quickly mow down a host of guards in the Omega brewery. They appear to be making their way towards…somewhere…who knows.

Warrior of the Lost WorldOK, back outside we see that Fred has landed the stolen helicopter in a wide open field, thus giving his passengers, McWayne and the Rider, the minimum amount of cover possible from the Omega bullets. (Well, seeing how effective the Omega security forces have been so far, I guess they don’t have too much to worry about.) Noting that they are "sitting targets" in the helicopter, the Rider jumps out and instead takes cover by laying on his back completely in the open. Really, did anybody use one iota of thought when writing these scenes? It all has a ‘Just Play It By Ear’ feel to it. And it all sucks.

In a bloody, tense, exciting battle that the film-makers opted not to show, the rebels manage to overcome all the guards and round up the last of the Omega resistance out in the main plaza. Actually, it’s probably a good thing they didn’t show it because there’s no way in hell that these idiot rebels could have overcome a group of senior prom chaperones, let alone a, <ahem>, hardened security force like the Omega. (As the camera pans over the triumphant rebels, once again we see that a few of them are dressed in WW2 Nazi uniforms!)

Now for the final showdown with Prossor, who really hasn’t done crap in the film for being such an evil despot. We see the Rider and McWayne burst into Prossor’s office, where he smugly stands at his desk. After some ludicrous dialog that I will spare you from reading, Prossor reveals his trump card: A brain-wiped Nastasia sitting in a chair with a gun to her head. Prossor orders the Rider and McWayne to drop their guns or else he will order Nastasia to blow her brains out; the two rebels comply. Prossor now commands Nastasia to shoot both her father and the Rider. Wait a minute. Why couldn’t the Rider just put a bullet into Prossor’s head and be done with it? If Prossor can’t verbally command Nastasia, then he has no leverage against them. Blah.

Anyway, this scene was intended to be suspenseful as Nastasia aims the pistol at her father: Will she do it? Won’t she do it? Does anybody give a rat’s ass? Is there more beer in the fridge? After a slight hesitation, Nastasia does indeed shoot the Rider in the shoulder (the shoulder wound sends him to the floor unconscious (!?)) Alas, Nastasia’s love for her father is stronger than Prossor’s suggestions and she blows away the evil ruler instead. Oh yeah, and she’s no longer ‘brain wiped’. Love cures all, I guess.

Cut to the "New Way" victory celebration. What looks like a bed sheet painted with the words "THE NEW WAY – Freedom Equality Justice" hangs from the rafters of some sort of disused industrial building. (The sound of a cheering crowd is foleyed onto the scene…the sound of a much larger crowd than is actually shown in the shot.) As the leaders of the revolution stand on a stage in front of the crowd and bask in the applause, the camera slowly, and carefully, pans across each and every one of the clapping ‘rebel’ extras used in the film. I suspect that they might have been promised this tiny bit of screen time in lieu of pay.

Ah yes, the final nauseating kissing-scene to put the icing on this turd cake. Nastasia, dressed in the garb of a high-priest, stares into the glossy eyes of the Rider. (Cue triumphal, and very 80’s, love ballad music.) The hazy, soft lighting adds to the feeling of unrest in my stomach as the inevitable ‘kiss’ approaches. This whole scene is about as romantic as watching squid copulate.

Warrior of the Lost WorldWarrior of the Lost World

Oh gee. One more plot twist. Nastasia actually didn’t kill Prossor after all. Why it was his robotic clone. Yes, Prossor is alive and well. Who woulda thunk it?

"Do you think the enlightened ‘New Way’ has taken the bait?" Prossor asks a shadowy figure.

"Absolutely…no doubt about it," answers the figure, who steps out of the shadows to reveal that it’s…NO! It’s Fred! "It’s incredible…the gullibility of mankind," Fred adds

Warrior of the Lost WorldNo, what’s incredible is this totally idiotic and pointless plot ‘twist’.

What bait? What is the freaking point? What the hell do they think they’re going to do now? OH BROTHER!

Anyway, Prossor and Fred head off…somewhere…who cares at this point. That horrible 80’s music begins blaring on the sound track again, confirming my worst fears: More ‘romantic’ scenes with Nastasia and the Rider.

Oh gee, they’ve repaired the SSC. So I guess the ‘New Way’ has a fully functional post-apocalyptic body shop, engine shop, paint shop, and computer shop at their disposal.

"Thank you," the Rider mumbles to Nastasia as SSC bleeps out, "Kiss the girl!" When the Rider hesitates, SSC actually rolls forward and nudges the Rider in the butt, pushing him closer to Nastasia. (OK. Now it’s official: I hate this freakin’ movie!)

We are now treated to a kissing scene that lasts a full 1 minute and 12 seconds. Wow. That’s just what I needed to see: Robert Ginty grinding his face against Persis Khambatta for 72 seconds.

Cut to see the Rider driving off into the wasteland…and cue closing words:

"It is the dawn of a new day in the Lost World and somewhere there rides a…WARRIOR"

The End

Dennis Grisbeck (Jan 2006)


Well, I’ve done a lot of other genre rip-offs, so I guess it was about time that I did a Mad Max rip: and brother, does this one have no shame. To be honest, it is a pretty funny crappy film, but don’t expect to be wanting to watch it over and over again. Once or twice is enough, if you dare.

Read more about Warrior of the Lost World at


3 comments to Warrior of the Lost World (1985)

  • popzombie

    MST did a good on it. However, it is bad,bad,bad.

  • Hello, Popzombie, glad to see you’re making yourself at home here 🙂

    Can you tell me a little about yourself?

  • guts3d

    No, what’s incredible is this totally idiotic and pointless plot ‘twist’.
    What bait? What is the freaking point? What the hell do they think they’re going to do now? OH BROTHER

    Maybe they were hoping for a _shudder_ sequel to this tripe?!?!

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