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Labatts (196?)

Summary: Ahhh, remember all the times you sat around enjoying a cold Labatts? Me neither.

Open with a man, attired in a drab grey suit, sitting alone at a table enjoying a, yes, you guessed it: Labatts.

"When you have a Labatts," the narrator informs us, "you have an adventure!"

Through the magic of Stop The Camera, Sit Still, Have Woman Sit Next To Man, Start Camera Again, a woman "magically" appears beside him. This lucky fellow's boring suit also "magically" transforms into a Pee-Wee Herman-esque red smoking jacket.

Wow. The magic of Labatts, eh?

"Enjoy import quality at American prices," coos the narrator as this guy coyly fills his date's glass with, yes, you guessed it again: ice cold Labatts.

"Have an adventure...have a Labatts."

Conclusion: After this uninspired commercial, I think I'd rather watch paint dry than have a Labatts.

Newport (196?)

Summary: Man, I wish I lived back in the days before smoking was bad for you.

A man runs down a busy city street trying to make his bus, but misses it.

Damn. Now I guess we have to sit through a commercial.

From out of nowhere a blast of cigarette smoke blows into the guy's face. He smiles, because hey, smoking wasn't bad for you back then.

It turns out that the smoke has come from a Newport billboard hanging on the wall beside the unlucky commuter. A dame in a not-so-revealing 1960's swimsuit waves from the sign.

TV magic!

A catchy jingle begins as the woman starts to sing...and hey, I'll let the lyrics speak for themselves:

"Newport tastes freeeesher...tastes better too.

Newport tastes freeeesher...tastes better too.

Than....any other menthol cigarette!"

and on and on and on.

and on and on and on.

And...my God...what I wouldn't give for an ice cold Labatts right about now.

Conclusion: A musical cigarette commercial?

Enjoy the menthol flavor of Newport. I guess you could also jump in front of a bus.